Self-Discovery — EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG

The Search for Belonging (Hint: Look Inside!)

Everyone craves a sense of belonging. To feel accepted and connected to others is a core human need. We tend to migrate toward those who have shared values and perspectives. This does not automatically assume that it comes from our family of origin. It’s become quite common for people to opt for a “Friendsgiving” instead of the traditional Thanksgiving, because the environment they were raised in feels neither safe nor supportive.

Belonging can be precarious when it depends on how well we comply and conform to accommodate the standards or expectations of others. Sustainable belonging delves beneath the surface and gives us the permission to show up exactly as we are, including our mistakes, failures, and flaws. Creating a culture within and around us where we can share both positive and negative experiences without fear of judgment or rejection allows us to feel more authentic and free to be ourselves.

Read more to discover 5 ways to cultivate belonging from within.

Anger Part 1: Where It Comes From and Why It Matters

“If you're not angry, you’re not paying attention!” became Erik’s mantra. His face would turn crimson and the veins in his temples and neck would swell. Sometimes he would fester in silence, shaking his fist at the television, while his insides stewed like a pressure cooker. Other times his anger misfired, and he would snap at an unsuspecting bystander.

Whether it’s the political state of affairs, road rage, the inconsiderate neighbor who blasts their music at all hours, or racial/social injustices, anger affects us all. Many of us were taught to control, manage, or suppress it. Our experience of anger is connected to our perception of danger or threat, and it can activate our fight-or-flight response, creating inflammation in our bodily systems. However, if we pay attention, our anger is a great teacher. It’s a healthy emotion and an important and natural human response that offers important insight into who we are and what matters most to us.

Finding Your Treasure During the Ebb Tide

The still and stagnant moments in our life feel scarier than the crises and chaos. Maybe it’s situational, seasonal, economic, or cosmic (some planet must be in retrograde somewhere!), but whatever it is, the phone stops ringing. The vibrant social momentum we once enjoyed seems muted and still. Our health goals, income, or relationship situation can suddenly plateau for no apparent reason.

The term “flow” has become a familiar concept in the world of pop psychology, and is associated with heightened productivity, focus, timelessness, and creativity. The flow of the ocean offers a sense of energy, life, and motion, but when we are so preoccupied with catching the wave, we neglect the more subtle beauty of the ocean’s ebb. The ebb tide reveals something rich, interesting, and alive if we have the courage to explore it. The silence, stillness, and emptiness may provide unexpected benefits. Discover how what seems like nothingness might actually be full of possibility.

The Agency in Our Attitude ~ Keep the Blue Side Up!

I grew up in and surrounded by airplanes. After 9/11, I developed a sudden fear of flying. My father was a naval aviator, turned commercial airline pilot, and I would call him before boarding any flight. He would talk me through the technicalities and statistics to support the probability of my survival. He would end each call with the sound advice common among aviators: “Keep the blue side up!” The instruction is encouraging and simple: when in doubt, keep yourself upright. It’s an expression of encouragement and trust.

The “blue side” refers to an instrument in the cockpit called the “attitude indicator,” which helps the pilot to orient to the horizon and the blue sky above it. The aeronautical term “attitude” doesn’t refer to whether the pilot is in a good or bad mood, but rather as a way to determine how to proceed with confidence. Weather conditions change and storms are inevitable. Life, like hurtling through the air in a metal can, can get bumpy. Turbulence wakes us up and reminds us to pay attention. We encounter gloomy moods and gloomy skies. We get disoriented. By “keeping the blue side up,” we have a general point of reference, an “attitude” that supports us, as we navigate through our journey.

Life as an Experimental QUEST

I am a recovering pendulum swinger. Extreme behaviors, on both ends of the continuum, have punctuated my life. All or nothing has often been the name of my game. This approach can feel unsustainable and counterproductive at times, and has challenged me to explore more effective ways to approach life.

Rather than taking an absolute attitude toward goal setting, what if we viewed our aspirations as a quest for discovery and understanding? Using the acronym Q.U.E.S.T. invokes a more more playful and experimental perspective. When we bring a sense of childlike curiosity and openness to our endeavors, there is less pressure and more space to enjoy our exploration without fear or expectation. An experimenter is willing to try something new, take chances, and reroute or improvise when necessary. This approach encourages us to observe and influence change, rather than forcing it.

Will you accept this invitation to to experiment, to play, and to get curious about creating potential and possibility in your life?

Memory Part 2: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Memories make up the story of our lives.

We each possess a unique ability to consolidate, store, and integrate memories depending on how we process information. How and what we remember about our experiences becomes an evolving narrative. Our narrative consists of implicit and explicit memory and is influenced by the collective and cultural context in which we dwell. These narratives (with varying degrees of accuracy) contribute to our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. We can harness the malleability of our memory and the meaning we attribute to our experiences to support healing and internalize a more empowering story.

Explore six unique ways to tap into the transformative power of memory and the stories we tell ourselves.

Memory Part 1: Pieces of the Puzzle

Years ago I worked with nine-year old twins who were in the backseat of their aunt’s car when a drive-by shooter fired into the automobile killing their mother. The girls, who survived the assault, were impacted differently by the experience. As time went on, their memories of that significant day diverged even more. When we experience something intensely emotional (either positive or negative), we are more likely to remember it. Yet, how is it that two people who share the same experience might remember details completely differently? Everything we’ve ever experienced becomes a piece of the puzzle to create a representation of our life. The stories we tell ourselves are oftentimes the stories we inherently believe will sustain us and help us survive. This is a subjective process. In this two-part article, we explore the dynamic nature of memory and how it influences the stories we tell about ourselves and our world.

Beyond Our Potential ~ Thriving in Adversity

On the other side of the world, in the parched, desert landscapes of places like Nepal, Yemen, and Southwest India, the ashwagandha plant emerges from dry, rocky soil. Similar to these plants (known as adaptogens), we not only adapt through adverse environments and experiences, we adjust and access our inherent resources in remarkable ways.

On this side of the world, a very close family member was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As I witnessed her patience and courage through the process, I was astounded by how gracefully she navigated the pain, the setbacks, and the frightening reality of her condition. I asked her what she attributed to her strength and determination. She genuinely had no idea.

We may not always realize it, but when we face challenges, we become physically and psychologically more resilient. Take a moment to reflect on the challenges you’ve faced throughout your life and the opportunities they offer to learn about yourself.

Cultivating Security ~ Part 3: Strengthening Your Core from Within

Strengthening our abdominal muscles helps to reduce the risk of falls and injury. Fortifying our psychological core helps to to cultivate security from within. These exercises include: 1) identifying what makes you feel authentically safe, 2) exploring your internal landscape to better understand your experiences, and 3) establishing consistent practices to reinforce your sense of security. From a solid, strong center, we are able to move our body with greater agility and balance. Similarly, when we actively practice engaging our internal psychological strength, we have better capacity to respond with flexibility and confidence. To do this we must take personal responsibility. We don’t get six-pack abs by watching someone else do crunches!

Cultivating Security ~ Part 1: Understanding Our Dragons (aka Insecurities)

“It does not do to leave a dragon out of your calculations if you live near him,” author J.R.R. Tolkien advises. Many of life’s uncertain situations can provoke our “dragons." Insecurities cause us to feel anxious and doubt ourselves. When they emerge we may experience fear, lack of belonging or connection with others, and low self-worth. Getting to know your dragons can be powerful leverage as we navigate the challenges of life and relationships.

In this 3-part article, we explore:

Where our insecurities come from and how, where, and when they show up
The benefits and limitations of our relationships to help us heal and restore a sense of security
How to deepen our sense of safety, trust and understanding from within ourselves to create a more sustaining and resilient self-identity.

Don't Squander Your Intergenerational Inheritance

’Tis the season when we tend to spend an increasing amount of time with our immediate and extended family members. Pop psychology has ushered in a heightened awareness of the role family plays in our own personal development and emotional wellbeing. Research on intergenerational trauma indicates that we are significantly influenced by our parents’ experiences, our grandparents’ experiences, and so on. Essentially, we absorb, adapt, adjust, and accommodate to life based on what was modeled for us and how generations before us responded to their own respective life challenges. If we can inherit fear, insecurity, and trauma from our ancestors, we can also be directly impacted by their courage, fortitude, creativity, and endurance. We don’t hear as much about intergenerational resilience, but we are here in this moment in time because our ancestors persevered and survived. Don’t squander what’s been passed down to you— take ownership of it, reshape it, mold it, improve upon it, and make it your own.

Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary: A Sensory Experience

It can be incredibly empowering to use words to give voice to our internal landscape. What does your frustration look like? Does it have a color or shape or size? How does your joy sound? If you could touch your anxiety, how would it feel? Before we were able to speak or comprehend our native language, we instinctively depended on our sensory perception to give us information about safety or threat, contentment or distress, connection or separation. Using language to name or label what we feel can help us make sense of it in a general way. However, our emotional experience is complex and dynamic like a kaleidoscope of unique combinations of texture, contour, melody, and gradations of hue. Where emotion is infinite, language is limited. To deepen our understanding and add further dimension, we might expand not only our vocabulary, but also the way we identify our experience.

Self-DiscoveryErin MasonNovember 14, 2022

You Are the Architectural Wonder Behind the Scaffold

The iconic Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris is currently shrouded by metal scaffolding as it undergoes repairs from the fire damage it suffered in 2019. Scaffolding is a temporary, yet complex network of supports which make it possible to construct, erect, create, repair or restore the edifice residing within. As humans, we also require supports as we evolve. We can think of this as social scaffolding (eg external validation, reinforcement, etc). However, the internal structure, the authentic edifice of your inner self is the true architectural wonder and will be what remains. Cultivate deeper understanding of this interactive and interdependent process…

Spring Into Action: Find Your Green Growing Edge

Spring is known as the season of rebirth and awakening which can also be associated with discomfort or “labor pains.” There is a stirring beneath the surface, a rumbling from within, the sense that things are shaking up. There is a distinct shift in the air, an expression of restlessness, a need to stretch and move, a longing for change. Similar to what happens in nature, when we begin to feel grumblings of restlessness, discontent or stuckness, this also indicates regeneration, emergence, and transformation. Whether that means stepping into the unknown, facing our doubts or fears, cultivating the seedlings of our creative aspirations, or nudging ourself out onto that green growing edge, we are called to take action.

Curiosity: The Cure for Criticism

It is often said that we can be our own worst enemy, harshly judging ourselves for our flaws or shortcomings. When we hear whispers of self-doubt, shouts of shame, or nagging insecurity, we are challenged to find ways to attend to that critical voice within. In honor of National Poetry Month (April) and upcoming World Meditation Day (May 20th), we explore five excerpts from both unconventional and traditional wisdom on how to bring more awareness, curiosity, understanding, and compassion toward self.

Why Winter is the Right Time for Reflection

The hum of the holiday season is past, and along with it, the social festivities and whirl of excitement and anticipation. Midwinter represents a season of contrasts—cold and cozy, dark and light, death and life. We might find ourselves more susceptible to physical illness, depression, fear, or anxiety during the winter. Yet, this season also offers us an opportunity to reflect, restore our energy and resources, and focus more on what nourishes us. Inside this article are six interesting ways to inspire your winter refections…

Rooted in Self-Trust

We typically associate the concept of trust in relation to other people—how credible, believable or reliable we find someone to be. However, we often struggle to develop that same trust, confidence, and belief in ourselves. We can grow self-trust by deepening the roots of understanding of who we are, strengthening our trunk (or core) by honestly accepting, forgiving and being present for ourselves, and extending branches of ourself that respond to life’s challenges with flexibility and perspective. It is a process. Yet, cultivating this kind of deep inner trust is enduring, irreplaceable, and self-perpetuating.

Falling Inward ~ 5 Ways to Harness Autumn Healing

For many years I dreaded the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. Days felt desperately short, nights were dark and threatening, and trees shed any sign of life leaving behind their tree skeletons. This began, for me, with a life crisis that took place during the autumn months several decades ago. For years afterward, I had a painful association the moment I felt the sharp shift in the air and the changing colors of leaves before they would drop from their branches. Whether we love or loathe the fall, this transitional season offers us an opportunity to heal from our past life experiences. Here are five key autumn themes to support our natural healing process…

Filter Focused ~ Are We Smudging Ourselves Out?

What is it that makes our society so filter-focused? Photo filter apps like Instagram, Facetune, and Perfect Me are designed to blur, lighten, soften and obscure our imperfections. We learn very quickly how to morph and modify ourselves to appear acceptable. The ways we filter ourselves go beyond the blemishes, wrinkles and extra pounds. We also find ways to blur our beliefs and values, smudge out our fears and insecurities, and obscure the truth of who we are. Filters may soften or dim our imperfections, flaws and faults, and we can utilize them with discernment. However, we must also remember the importance of high-resolution focus and clarity to guide us toward our deepest sense of authenticity.

Feeling Lost? How to Find Our Way

Years ago, before GPS was automatically connected to our everyday, handheld devices, I found myself (more than once!) lost in a foreign city, wandering aimlessly. What happens when we feel lost in our lives, doubt in ourselves, or stuck in a holding pattern? Most of us will encounter unexpected life surprises: health issues, job changes, pregnancies, family demands, etc. Life does not come with GPS, or a roadmap, or simple, easy-to-read directions. We have to navigate our way through trial and error. Here are four effective strategies to find our way when we are lost and make valuable self-discoveries in the process…

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