ambiguity — EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG

The Agency in Our Attitude ~ Keep the Blue Side Up!

I grew up in and surrounded by airplanes. After 9/11, I developed a sudden fear of flying. My father was a naval aviator, turned commercial airline pilot, and I would call him before boarding any flight. He would talk me through the technicalities and statistics to support the probability of my survival. He would end each call with the sound advice common among aviators: “Keep the blue side up!” The instruction is encouraging and simple: when in doubt, keep yourself upright. It’s an expression of encouragement and trust.

The “blue side” refers to an instrument in the cockpit called the “attitude indicator,” which helps the pilot to orient to the horizon and the blue sky above it. The aeronautical term “attitude” doesn’t refer to whether the pilot is in a good or bad mood, but rather as a way to determine how to proceed with confidence. Weather conditions change and storms are inevitable. Life, like hurtling through the air in a metal can, can get bumpy. Turbulence wakes us up and reminds us to pay attention. We encounter gloomy moods and gloomy skies. We get disoriented. By “keeping the blue side up,” we have a general point of reference, an “attitude” that supports us, as we navigate through our journey.

10 Ways to Navigate Life’s Challenging Changes

We are constantly moving through inevitable shifts and seasonal cycles in our respective lives. Getting married or splitting up. Welcoming a new baby or adjusting to an empty nest. Freezing eggs or surrendering to the waning biological clock. Changing careers or preparing for retirement.

At times we may encounter unexpected changes that can leave us feeling confused, disoriented, or even powerless. Other times, we might feel an inner restlessness motivating us to try something new. We may deeply desire something different—in a romantic relationship, career, location, or lifestyle—but struggle to find the impetus to act on it. We teeter between taking risks and staying with what feels safe and familiar. Whether you’re in a season of growth or pruning away, celebration or reflection, starting school or ending a chapter, incorporate these 10 simple strategies to navigate life’s challenging changes with greater ease and authenticity.

Redefining Forgiveness and How to Heal Without It

“Forgiveness makes me feel weak and vulnerable.” We can be hurt in a plethora of ways, from overt abuse and injustice, to social infractions and insensitive oversights. The latin word for forgive is “perdonare,” which means “to give completely, without reservation.” This literal and limited definition seems to disregard context. Sometimes it is not possible to offer forgiveness to another person, either because they are no longer alive or accessible, or because it doesn’t feel safe or appropriate for us to do so. If we disqualified the term “forgiveness” from any given transgression, what would be our goal for resolving it? In prioritizing resolution instead of reconciliation, healing rather than pardoning, we may discover more clarity of our own experience.

Let Go of Control and Find Freedom

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” she repeated over and over from the edge of her hospice bed. It still echoes in my ears, along with a residual compulsion to make it better somehow. The powerlessness was palpable. My mind said, “do something!” but my heart knew there was nothing to be done. It’s unbearable to witness the suffering of someone you love. The grasping and sense of urgency is instinctive, but I felt overcome with a haunting paralysis. Then, something shifted. Throughout life we are taught in various ways how to master a sense of control. We think of it as the capacity to determine, restrain, or manage any given situation. But ultimately, control is fleeting and elusive. It’s like trying to chase the ocean waves or catch a bubble in your hands. Just when we think we have it, it eludes us. Are we ever really in control?

The Internal Tug-of-War

Have you ever promised yourself something, yet done the complete opposite? We typically have a rational understanding of what we want or what is “good” or “bad” for us, yet simultaneously we may feel pulled to act in ways that contradict our reasoning. When we experience internal conflict, it can be helpful to understand what is driving the disconnect. Are we acting in alignment with our true values or are we measuring ourselves by someone else’s standard or expectations? Do we feel free to make our own choices or are we overcompensating by asserting control in unhealthy or counterproductive ways? Does our innate need for safety and familiarity prevent us from taking the necessary risks toward positive change? Life is full of contrasts. We are able to mediate our internal conflicts through enhancing awareness and understanding of our inner contradictions.

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 2 ~~ Why and How to Open

As we enter into the holidays, we may find ourselves challenged to be around people with whom we disagree. We seem to increasingly judge those who don’t think, believe, or vote like us, and lash out against one another based on vaccination status, political affiliation, and personal priorities. Life is not binary. It’s not as simple as good vs. bad, right vs. wrong, black vs. white, blue vs. red, you vs. me. Life is a continuum of experiences and perspectives. How can we challenge ourselves to imagine what it’s like to see through another person’s eyes? Empathy is the art of figuratively stepping into another person’s shoes, and imagine what it’s like to be them. The ability to imagine an experience outside of our own helps to connect us with compassion. Compassion is the bridge to our shared experiences and our common humanity. In this article, consider four questions to inspire an expanded perspective, an abundant mindset, and curious compassion…

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 1 ~~ When We're Closed

As different as our modern life may be in comparison to the primitive threats to survival our ancient ancestors faced, we still encounter a plethora of real and perceived attacks—natural disasters, social and economic injustices, political rivalries, bullying in schools and social media, viruses run amok, and perhaps above all, vastly conflicting views on how to address those threats. When we feel threatened, we contract—physically, emotionally, and mentally. In this defensive position, we tend to operate from a place of fear, judgment toward others (or ourselves), and a need to protect or preserve what we have. What causes us to feel closed, cautious, and uncertain?

Psychological Mirages: Perfection. Balance. Control.

Being from the southwest, where long roads stretch across the O’Keefe-esque landscape, I learned early on about the phenomenon of mirages. Off in the distance, it appears. A big puddle of water, right in the middle of the road. But as you drive closer, it vanishes. How much of our lives are spent in search of illusions and perceptions of ideals that are elusive and unattainable? Perfection, balance, and control are psychological mirages. In our striving for perfection, our longing for balance, and our grasping for control, we paradoxically lose it. What is it we are we truly seeking and how might we discover more of ourselves through the process?

Feeling Lost? How to Find Our Way

Years ago, before GPS was automatically connected to our everyday, handheld devices, I found myself (more than once!) lost in a foreign city, wandering aimlessly. What happens when we feel lost in our lives, doubt in ourselves, or stuck in a holding pattern? Most of us will encounter unexpected life surprises: health issues, job changes, pregnancies, family demands, etc. Life does not come with GPS, or a roadmap, or simple, easy-to-read directions. We have to navigate our way through trial and error. Here are four effective strategies to find our way when we are lost and make valuable self-discoveries in the process…

Tolerating Ambiguity ~ The New SuperPower

“Never. Rarely. Sometimes. Often. Always.”

We are in the throes of such an ambiguous moment in time right now. The variation in people’s responses are not as simple as state borders or political divides. This is a subjective experience, evoking contradictory emotions and ambiguous loss. We yearn for what we cannot have right now— the ability to move about freely in the world, celebrating rites of passage together, the simple pleasure of walking into a market without fear. In recognizing the diversity of our experiences and honoring our emotional responses, we embody the super power to tolerate ambiguity.

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