EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG — Empowered Times

Choose Your Universe

What we believe and what we perceive are the most powerful indicators of our experience. Professional athletes visualize their performance before an important event. Entrepreneurs refuse to see failure as fatal.

"The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” Though often misattributed to Albert Einstein, this quote offers a brilliant inquiry nonetheless.

Kind or cruel? Safe or threatening? Our perspective influences what we see, how we relate to others, and how we feel about ourselves. Research studies show our perception not only impacts our psychology, but can also alter our physiology. A placebo can be as potent as medicine at relieving pain and promoting healing and recovery.

We may be living in a time of significant division, uncertainty, and distress. Yet, extraordinary potential lies within each of us. Our mind has the capacity to shift our perspective and to actualize our aspirations.

Is the universe against you? Or is it conspiring in your favor? You have the power to choose.

Self-Forgiveness for Emotional Regeneration

The human body is a marvel at releasing and renewing. Our bodies know how to let go of what has served its purpose through cellular regeneration. Though our body intuitively clears and heals, our minds often cling to regret, shame, and self-blame—setting up defenses that keep us stuck in emotional “scar tissue”.

Learning how to recognize when we are stuck in self-defeating cycles is integral to our mental health. Many people fear that forgiving themselves will let them “off the hook” too easily. Sometimes our need for forgiveness stems from a behavior or action within our control. Other times, we may subconsciously blame ourselves for something that was outside of our power like accidents, being abused or assaulted, or circumstances we never chose.

Self-forgiveness isn’t as simple as being excused or absolved. It’s not about denying or justifying harmful actions. It is a process of being honest with oneself, accepting responsibility, and cultivating self-compassion. This requires a level of vulnerability that we can’t force or hack our way through.

Like our body’s constant cellular regeneration, self-forgiveness is a powerful healing process. Emotional regeneration allows us to shed old stories, release what no longer serves us, and make space for new beginnings. The following steps serve as guideposts in your self-forgiveness journey…

The Key to Successful Relationships: Improvise!

Great relationships, like great music, thrive when we embrace improvisation.

The most common complaints I hear in relationship therapy are: you don't understand me, you don't see me, or you don't appreciate me.

Ultimately, we all want to matter in our relationships, whether it's feeling seen by a romantic partner, being acknowledged by a professional peer or supervisor, or feeling appreciated by a member of our family.

When we don’t feel seen or heard, we end up feeling alone in our relationships. At best this can be isolating. At worst it can feel threatening and unsafe. We’re more inclined to respond defensively. We withdraw, seek out distractions, or attempt to fill the void with other sources (ie vices).

When we show up with interest and curiosity, we’re more engaged and open to the unfolding dynamic between us. It’s a reciprocal dance that requires us to intentionally slow down and pay attention.

Sawubona is a beautiful expression in Zulu which means, "I see you.” It's a reverent acknowledgment, an honoring… a way of meeting you as you are. As we feel seen in our relationships, we experience a sense of safety within ourselves and in the relationship, which allows us to show up more authentically and confidently.

The Transformative Power of Revealing Our Secrets

When I was five years old, I spilled a bottle of nail polish on the carpet. Afraid to confess, I desperately tried to erase the evidence. The more I scrubbed, the more the small, pink stain grew into a coagulated, watermelon-sized mess that lingered for years.

We typically keep secrets to protect ourselves against potential punishment or being judged or misunderstood. We avoid events that feel too scary to share— a trauma, an infidelity, unsurmountable debt, an abortion, or a health diagnosis.

Much like my nail polish incident, the secrets we keep can expand, consuming more of us than we realize. Secrets don’t vanish when we hide them; they shape the stories we tell about ourselves. We expend so much effort and energy hiding or worrying about being found out, we exist in a chronic mode of fear or protection that can make us sick and exhausted.

Secrecy fragments identity. Truth integrates it. When we acknowledge who we are—even the difficult parts—we begin to feel whole. Sharing our truth— wisely, not recklessly— we lighten the weight we’ve been carrying. Sometimes the very thing we’ve kept hidden can become the source of connection, strength, and inspiration for ourself and others.

Inspiring Imperfection in a Season of Comparison

We may imagine summer as a season of ease and freedom—barefoot in the grass, sun on your skin, wind in your hair— but for many of us, it’s also a time that evokes contradiction and comparison. We peel away layers of clothing, only to scrutinize the bodies beneath. Beach holidays and pool parties entice us to be carefree and savor the moment, but we often find ourselves stuck in an old script—measuring our bodies against others, or against our own from summers past.

The goalposts of beauty are always shifting. We internalize the cultural messages and adapt to the fickle social trends. We strive to conform, yet long to feel seen. We pursue perfection, meanwhile we aspire to be authentic. Perfection pushes us into a binary and absolute way of existing: all or nothing, good or bad, right or wrong. Though rooted in the desire to be whole or complete, unrelenting perfectionism often disconnects us from our true selves.

Just as investing in external relationships creates safety and trust, investing in the relationship with ourselves deepens our connection to who we are—not how we look. When we embrace imperfection, we cultivate a more free and authentic relationship with ourselves. Here are 7 Ways to love the skin you’re in this summer.

Embracing Uncertainty: The Power in Humility

When I was a young grad student at a reputable university in the big city, I was feeling pretty darn good about myself… until I found myself alone in a foreign country at midnight. I didn’t know where I was or who I was supposed to meet. My stomach twisted with uncertainty. Did I make the wrong decision?

Deep down, we all crave certainty. Our brains are designed to predict, preserve, and protect. But this survival-oriented mindset shrinks our world and neglects to consider what happens when we’re thrust outside our comfort zone.

The antidote is humility. Being humble does not mean being submissive, docile, or soft. The great paradox is that unlike hubris or arrogance, humility arises from true inner security and an authentic self-confidence. It invites us to broaden our perspective, to have the courage to fail, to embrace a sense of humor and levity, and to accept we don’t know everything and won’t always be right. It’s also the capacity to tolerate the unknown without being paralyzed by the fear of what we can’t control.
Discover how to find strength in humility…

Growing Through Calamity

The following article is written by Billie Greer—a public policy advisor, retired lobbyist, business leader, consultant, activist, feminist, and mentor to many (including me!)

Crises happen. In our world. In our nation. In our everyday lives. When we face a crisis, as most of us will, we feel overwhelmed. Powerless. Fear sets in.

Disaster or hope? The answer is determined, in large measure, by how one reacts to a crisis and manages that crisis. “Calamity 101” steals a page from the experiences of corporations and leaders who have successfully handled crises.

Consider these steps, when a crisis is upon you, to help deal with the situation and to gain some level of control over what is happening as you seek potential resolution of the issue at hand. You either advance or stay where you are, and the latter is not where you want to be. By taking action, you empower yourself and you will be stronger for it.

Integrity: Being Whole Is Being Well

What allows a jet plane to travel faster than sound? Or a thin, silky piece of material to deliver a skydiver from 15,000 feet in the air safely to ground? Or a skyscraper to defy the laws of gravity?

In one word… Integrity.

Structural integrity provides reliability and safety. Cultivating integrity within ourselves requires honesty to foster trust and authenticity. If integrity is the essence of safety, integration is the essence of wellness.

When our brain and body systems are well-integrated, they work together to promote optimal health. When our thoughts and behaviors are integrated, we act in alignment with our values. When we are integrated in our relationships, we communicate and cooperate in constructive ways.

At times we might feel pulled in different directions or stuck in a narrow, absolute perspective. We become fragmented and fragile. The antidote is integrity. The process of integration supports our overall wellness and vitality by evoking a freedom that can only come from wholeness.

Strength Through Our Differences

When my husband and I first started dating 18 years ago, it was a common contention between us that he didn’t like to do the things I liked to do (eg. try new restaurants, travel to exotic places, etc). This created ongoing conflict.

Variety may be “the spice of life,” but diversity supports our very existence. Biodiversity, cultural diversity, emodiversity (emotional diversity), all promote balance and resilience on our planet and in our relationships.

Though intellectually, as humans we understand there are inherent differences between us, we may experience conflict when those different beliefs, values, or priorities are expressed.

Being able to honor ourselves as separate and different from others, including our intimate partners, is the foundation of a healthy relationship. This capacity to differentiate cultivates self-awareness, and fosters empathy, authenticity, and integrity.

Learn how to differentiate and discover the benefits of honoring our diverse experiences.

New Year Prospecting

It’s a New Year! Rather than attempting to make resolutions about what you will or won’t do, consider prospecting for something more significant and sustaining. Be someone who seeks out opportunity, explores possibilities, and gains perspective in your approach.

Step-by-step, this article will guide you through a valuable process of reflecting on the previous year, exploring your aspirations for the new year, and setting your intentions with specific action steps. Don’t rush this process. Take all month if you have to! The discoveries you’ll make along the way will be well worth your time, energy, and efforts.

Non spirat qui non aspirat.

(S/he who doesn’t aspire doesn’t breathe.)

The Search for Belonging (Hint: Look Inside!)

Everyone craves a sense of belonging. To feel accepted and connected to others is a core human need. We tend to migrate toward those who have shared values and perspectives. This does not automatically assume that it comes from our family of origin. It’s become quite common for people to opt for a “Friendsgiving” instead of the traditional Thanksgiving, because the environment they were raised in feels neither safe nor supportive.

Belonging can be precarious when it depends on how well we comply and conform to accommodate the standards or expectations of others. Sustainable belonging delves beneath the surface and gives us the permission to show up exactly as we are, including our mistakes, failures, and flaws. Creating a culture within and around us where we can share both positive and negative experiences without fear of judgment or rejection allows us to feel more authentic and free to be ourselves.

Read more to discover 5 ways to cultivate belonging from within.

The Art of Repair in Relationships

In Japan, kintsugi is the art of mending of broken objects. Sometimes our relationships can feel broken. We make mistakes, we see things from different points of view, we disagree, our priorities shift, we drift apart. Every relationship encounters conflict. No relationship is perfect. The greatest marker of a healthy relationship is one that is able to repair effectively. Repair is the cornerstone of a secure relationship. Cultivating the capacity to recover from conflict helps us restore safety and trust.

Like kintsugi, mending our relationships makes them resilient and whole again. When we invest in the art of repair, we end up with something that not only stands the test of time, but actually increases in value.

Using the acronym R.E.P.A.I.R, this article explores six basic principles to restore connection in your relationships.

Anger Part 3: Finding Your Release Valve

“I had a long fuse, but when it blew, watch out!” Erik explained. He was always a rule follower, well-behaved and compliant, but even as a kid, he struggled with his anger. His early strategy to suppress it became unsustainable as he grew older and experienced life's challenges.

We are taught to control it, conceal it, avoid it, deny it, deal with it. We are usually not taught to feel our anger, nor how expressing it effectively can be healthy for us. How do you express anger at your worst? How do you express anger at your best?

Learning to respond to anger effectively helps to harness this powerful emotion so that it doesn’t hijack you unexpectedly. Make your anger work for you rather than against you. Prioritize safety, then don’t be afraid to unleash the beast. Learn how to self-regulate, then experiment with how to express your anger.

Read more for ways to safely respond and express this powerful emotion…

Anger Part 2: Toxic or Tonic for Health?

Erik’s anger motivated him to act purposefully and advocate for countless others. Yet, the spark within him could ignite a blazing fire. He unintentionally wounded others with hurtful remarks, and burnt bridges he (figuratively) helped to construct.

Anger can cause collateral damage to our health and relationships. Dysregulated anger results in impulsive acts of violence, hateful speech, destructive belief systems, and contagion effects with devastating consequences. Some people try to suppress their anger or internalize it, but it almost always makes its way to the surface.

Anger communicates with us when our boundaries are inadvertently crossed or blatantly violated. It not only connects us to our values (eg. fairness, integrity, compassion, etc) and what we care about most (eg. relationships, reputation, etc), anger also motivates us to take action. Although most of us don’t enjoy being angry, acknowledging our anger and its impact on us is an important part of defusing it’s harm and harnessing its power.

Anger Part 1: Where It Comes From and Why It Matters

“If you're not angry, you’re not paying attention!” became Erik’s mantra. His face would turn crimson and the veins in his temples and neck would swell. Sometimes he would fester in silence, shaking his fist at the television, while his insides stewed like a pressure cooker. Other times his anger misfired, and he would snap at an unsuspecting bystander.

Whether it’s the political state of affairs, road rage, the inconsiderate neighbor who blasts their music at all hours, or racial/social injustices, anger affects us all. Many of us were taught to control, manage, or suppress it. Our experience of anger is connected to our perception of danger or threat, and it can activate our fight-or-flight response, creating inflammation in our bodily systems. However, if we pay attention, our anger is a great teacher. It’s a healthy emotion and an important and natural human response that offers important insight into who we are and what matters most to us.

Finding Your Treasure During the Ebb Tide

The still and stagnant moments in our life feel scarier than the crises and chaos. Maybe it’s situational, seasonal, economic, or cosmic (some planet must be in retrograde somewhere!), but whatever it is, the phone stops ringing. The vibrant social momentum we once enjoyed seems muted and still. Our health goals, income, or relationship situation can suddenly plateau for no apparent reason.

The term “flow” has become a familiar concept in the world of pop psychology, and is associated with heightened productivity, focus, timelessness, and creativity. The flow of the ocean offers a sense of energy, life, and motion, but when we are so preoccupied with catching the wave, we neglect the more subtle beauty of the ocean’s ebb. The ebb tide reveals something rich, interesting, and alive if we have the courage to explore it. The silence, stillness, and emptiness may provide unexpected benefits. Discover how what seems like nothingness might actually be full of possibility.

The Agency in Our Attitude ~ Keep the Blue Side Up!

I grew up in and surrounded by airplanes. After 9/11, I developed a sudden fear of flying. My father was a naval aviator, turned commercial airline pilot, and I would call him before boarding any flight. He would talk me through the technicalities and statistics to support the probability of my survival. He would end each call with the sound advice common among aviators: “Keep the blue side up!” The instruction is encouraging and simple: when in doubt, keep yourself upright. It’s an expression of encouragement and trust.

The “blue side” refers to an instrument in the cockpit called the “attitude indicator,” which helps the pilot to orient to the horizon and the blue sky above it. The aeronautical term “attitude” doesn’t refer to whether the pilot is in a good or bad mood, but rather as a way to determine how to proceed with confidence. Weather conditions change and storms are inevitable. Life, like hurtling through the air in a metal can, can get bumpy. Turbulence wakes us up and reminds us to pay attention. We encounter gloomy moods and gloomy skies. We get disoriented. By “keeping the blue side up,” we have a general point of reference, an “attitude” that supports us, as we navigate through our journey.

How to Process Your Emotions

“I don’t know what processing my feelings means,” he said matter of factly. “People say that, and have no idea what they mean.”

We talk about processing our emotions like there is some kind of step-by-step protocol. Unfortunately, the most sustainable remedies for complicated feelings like anger, grief, and anxiety don’t come with easy-to-follow directions or guaranteed results. The processing of our emotional experiences requires significantly more exploration and trial & error. The good news is, our body is a natural processor. It is constantly processing toxins, chemicals, electrical energy, and nutrients. The way our body processes our feelings is similar to the way it processes the food we eat. When we eat too much or eat too fast, we end up with indigestion. When we become overwhelmed with emotion, or avoid or deny our feelings, we can experience emotion indigestion. Though our emotions don’t necessarily follow a narrow course like the digestive tract, our body has an innate capacity to turn a raw experience (like the death of a loved one) into something that nourishes us and facilitates healing. As we learn to integrate our emotions into who we are, we become less fragmented and more authentically whole.

Bringing Ancient Wisdom into Our Future

Ancient Greek thinkers and philosophers explored the quantitative versus qualitative juxtaposition of the human experience. They had two distinct words to describe time—chronos (clocks & calendars) and kairos (an immeasurable moment). They coined the term hedonia to refer to worldly pleasures, and eudaemonia to describe an internal connection to our sense of purpose.

We are entering a new chapter in history in which the study of ancient practices and expansive states of mind are not only respectable subjects, but are also associated with health and vitality. Concepts such as meditation and breathwork have become more commonplace in the corporate world. Psychedelic-assisted therapies and plant-based medicines have gained traction among reputable medical and research institutions. These modern trends, rooted in ancient tradition, focus on the benefits of expanded states of consciousness which invoke a sense of freedom and possibility.

Life as an Experimental QUEST

I am a recovering pendulum swinger. Extreme behaviors, on both ends of the continuum, have punctuated my life. All or nothing has often been the name of my game. This approach can feel unsustainable and counterproductive at times, and has challenged me to explore more effective ways to approach life.

Rather than taking an absolute attitude toward goal setting, what if we viewed our aspirations as a quest for discovery and understanding? Using the acronym Q.U.E.S.T. invokes a more more playful and experimental perspective. When we bring a sense of childlike curiosity and openness to our endeavors, there is less pressure and more space to enjoy our exploration without fear or expectation. An experimenter is willing to try something new, take chances, and reroute or improvise when necessary. This approach encourages us to observe and influence change, rather than forcing it.

Will you accept this invitation to to experiment, to play, and to get curious about creating potential and possibility in your life?

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