grief — EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG

Self-Forgiveness for Emotional Regeneration

The human body is a marvel at releasing and renewing. Our bodies know how to let go of what has served its purpose through cellular regeneration. Though our body intuitively clears and heals, our minds often cling to regret, shame, and self-blame—setting up defenses that keep us stuck in emotional “scar tissue”.

Learning how to recognize when we are stuck in self-defeating cycles is integral to our mental health. Many people fear that forgiving themselves will let them “off the hook” too easily. Sometimes our need for forgiveness stems from a behavior or action within our control. Other times, we may subconsciously blame ourselves for something that was outside of our power like accidents, being abused or assaulted, or circumstances we never chose.

Self-forgiveness isn’t as simple as being excused or absolved. It’s not about denying or justifying harmful actions. It is a process of being honest with oneself, accepting responsibility, and cultivating self-compassion. This requires a level of vulnerability that we can’t force or hack our way through.

Like our body’s constant cellular regeneration, self-forgiveness is a powerful healing process. Emotional regeneration allows us to shed old stories, release what no longer serves us, and make space for new beginnings. The following steps serve as guideposts in your self-forgiveness journey…

How to Process Your Emotions

“I don’t know what processing my feelings means,” he said matter of factly. “People say that, and have no idea what they mean.”

We talk about processing our emotions like there is some kind of step-by-step protocol. Unfortunately, the most sustainable remedies for complicated feelings like anger, grief, and anxiety don’t come with easy-to-follow directions or guaranteed results. The processing of our emotional experiences requires significantly more exploration and trial & error. The good news is, our body is a natural processor. It is constantly processing toxins, chemicals, electrical energy, and nutrients. The way our body processes our feelings is similar to the way it processes the food we eat. When we eat too much or eat too fast, we end up with indigestion. When we become overwhelmed with emotion, or avoid or deny our feelings, we can experience emotion indigestion. Though our emotions don’t necessarily follow a narrow course like the digestive tract, our body has an innate capacity to turn a raw experience (like the death of a loved one) into something that nourishes us and facilitates healing. As we learn to integrate our emotions into who we are, we become less fragmented and more authentically whole.

10 Ways to Navigate Life’s Challenging Changes

We are constantly moving through inevitable shifts and seasonal cycles in our respective lives. Getting married or splitting up. Welcoming a new baby or adjusting to an empty nest. Freezing eggs or surrendering to the waning biological clock. Changing careers or preparing for retirement.

At times we may encounter unexpected changes that can leave us feeling confused, disoriented, or even powerless. Other times, we might feel an inner restlessness motivating us to try something new. We may deeply desire something different—in a romantic relationship, career, location, or lifestyle—but struggle to find the impetus to act on it. We teeter between taking risks and staying with what feels safe and familiar. Whether you’re in a season of growth or pruning away, celebration or reflection, starting school or ending a chapter, incorporate these 10 simple strategies to navigate life’s challenging changes with greater ease and authenticity.

Redefining Forgiveness and How to Heal Without It

“Forgiveness makes me feel weak and vulnerable.” We can be hurt in a plethora of ways, from overt abuse and injustice, to social infractions and insensitive oversights. The latin word for forgive is “perdonare,” which means “to give completely, without reservation.” This literal and limited definition seems to disregard context. Sometimes it is not possible to offer forgiveness to another person, either because they are no longer alive or accessible, or because it doesn’t feel safe or appropriate for us to do so. If we disqualified the term “forgiveness” from any given transgression, what would be our goal for resolving it? In prioritizing resolution instead of reconciliation, healing rather than pardoning, we may discover more clarity of our own experience.

Let Go of Control and Find Freedom

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” she repeated over and over from the edge of her hospice bed. It still echoes in my ears, along with a residual compulsion to make it better somehow. The powerlessness was palpable. My mind said, “do something!” but my heart knew there was nothing to be done. It’s unbearable to witness the suffering of someone you love. The grasping and sense of urgency is instinctive, but I felt overcome with a haunting paralysis. Then, something shifted. Throughout life we are taught in various ways how to master a sense of control. We think of it as the capacity to determine, restrain, or manage any given situation. But ultimately, control is fleeting and elusive. It’s like trying to chase the ocean waves or catch a bubble in your hands. Just when we think we have it, it eludes us. Are we ever really in control?

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