People and Relationships — EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG

In Japan, kintsugi is the art of mending of broken objects. Sometimes our relationships can feel broken. We make mistakes, we see things from different points of view, we disagree, our priorities shift, we drift apart. Every relationship encounters conflict. No relationship is perfect. The greatest marker of a healthy relationship is one that is able to repair effectively. Repair is the cornerstone of a secure relationship. Cultivating the capacity to recover from conflict helps us restore safety and trust.

Like kintsugi, mending our relationships makes them resilient and whole again. When we invest in the art of repair, we end up with something that not only stands the test of time, but actually increases in value.

Using the acronym R.E.P.A.I.R, this article explores six basic principles to restore connection in your relationships.

Love Contradiction

Love is confusing. We navigate family pressures, social comparisons, and childhood fantasies as we try to make high-stakes decisions about our future. We encounter conflicting messages ranging from “You deserve better” to “It could be worse.” We are told not to depend on anyone else to make us happy and fulfilled, and yet, studies show that people in meaningful relationships tend to be healthier and happier. Online dating (curating and perusing profiles, responding to messages, coordinating meetups, etc) has been referred to as a full-time job. Analysis paralysis, dating fatigue, and disillusionment are rampant as more people withdraw from daunting dating prospects or settle for unfulfilling partnerships to avoid the risk of starting over. What if we accepted that love is fickle and stopped trying so hard to control it? Rather than white knuckling our way into love, what if we let go and throw our hands in the air. Not in defeat. In liberation and in trust.

People and RelationshipsErin MasonFebruary 13, 2024love, dating, relationships, discovery, breakup, letting go, openness, security, vulnerability

Cultivating Security ~ Part 2: Do Relationships Fan the Flames of Our Insecurities, Or Do They Put Out the Fire?

Romantic, professional, platonic, familial… The relationships in our lives can significantly influence our physical, mental and emotional vitality. Meaningful relationships help us experience a sense of safety and trust, and have been shown to be a critical protective factor against common emotional or social ailments (eg. depression, addiction, etc). Yet we can also be hurt in relationships, which can ignite our insecurities and internal defenses. When we listen carefully and pay attention to our needs and feelings in the context of our relationships, we discover more about how to trust ourselves and others, and we access the incredible healing potential of relationships.

Don't Squander Your Intergenerational Inheritance

’Tis the season when we tend to spend an increasing amount of time with our immediate and extended family members. Pop psychology has ushered in a heightened awareness of the role family plays in our own personal development and emotional wellbeing. Research on intergenerational trauma indicates that we are significantly influenced by our parents’ experiences, our grandparents’ experiences, and so on. Essentially, we absorb, adapt, adjust, and accommodate to life based on what was modeled for us and how generations before us responded to their own respective life challenges. If we can inherit fear, insecurity, and trauma from our ancestors, we can also be directly impacted by their courage, fortitude, creativity, and endurance. We don’t hear as much about intergenerational resilience, but we are here in this moment in time because our ancestors persevered and survived. Don’t squander what’s been passed down to you— take ownership of it, reshape it, mold it, improve upon it, and make it your own.

Redefining Forgiveness and How to Heal Without It

“Forgiveness makes me feel weak and vulnerable.” We can be hurt in a plethora of ways, from overt abuse and injustice, to social infractions and insensitive oversights. The latin word for forgive is “perdonare,” which means “to give completely, without reservation.” This literal and limited definition seems to disregard context. Sometimes it is not possible to offer forgiveness to another person, either because they are no longer alive or accessible, or because it doesn’t feel safe or appropriate for us to do so. If we disqualified the term “forgiveness” from any given transgression, what would be our goal for resolving it? In prioritizing resolution instead of reconciliation, healing rather than pardoning, we may discover more clarity of our own experience.

The Dance: How to Ask for Space Without Stepping on Each Other's Toes

Overlapping work demands, social schedules, and family obligations can take a toll on our relationship with our partner. We may feel like we’ve lost connection. We may feel taken for granted. We may crave time alone or separate from our partner. How can we ask for what we need without potentially upsetting our partner? What if one person wants more time together and the other needs time apart? It can be painful when the needs of our partner conflict with our own needs. Yet the tension of conflicting needs and the process (“dance”) of discovering resolution can help us to recalibrate, reconnect, and ultimately establish a deeper level of intimacy.

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 2 ~~ Why and How to Open

As we enter into the holidays, we may find ourselves challenged to be around people with whom we disagree. We seem to increasingly judge those who don’t think, believe, or vote like us, and lash out against one another based on vaccination status, political affiliation, and personal priorities. Life is not binary. It’s not as simple as good vs. bad, right vs. wrong, black vs. white, blue vs. red, you vs. me. Life is a continuum of experiences and perspectives. How can we challenge ourselves to imagine what it’s like to see through another person’s eyes? Empathy is the art of figuratively stepping into another person’s shoes, and imagine what it’s like to be them. The ability to imagine an experience outside of our own helps to connect us with compassion. Compassion is the bridge to our shared experiences and our common humanity. In this article, consider four questions to inspire an expanded perspective, an abundant mindset, and curious compassion…

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 1 ~~ When We're Closed

As different as our modern life may be in comparison to the primitive threats to survival our ancient ancestors faced, we still encounter a plethora of real and perceived attacks—natural disasters, social and economic injustices, political rivalries, bullying in schools and social media, viruses run amok, and perhaps above all, vastly conflicting views on how to address those threats. When we feel threatened, we contract—physically, emotionally, and mentally. In this defensive position, we tend to operate from a place of fear, judgment toward others (or ourselves), and a need to protect or preserve what we have. What causes us to feel closed, cautious, and uncertain?

How to Survive Competition & Rejection

Most of us have experienced rejection in countless ways over our lifespan. The feeling of being rejected activates our brain in much the same way as physical pain. We subconsciously experience rejection as a direct threat to our survival and wellbeing. We begin to believe that if we are not good, successful, attractive, rich, or powerful enough, we will be rejected. This way of thinking keeps us stuck in a trap where we desperately fear rejection, feel forced to compete or prove ourselves by compensating for what we perceive as shortcomings, and ultimately contributes to a society that is rooted in deception and disconnection. Alternatively, we can consciously choose to cultivate skills which allow us to be true to who we are, provide a sense of freedom, and help us to advance both individually and collectively. Our more evolved survival strategies must incorporate collaboration, creativity, compromise, compassion, and connection.

The Olympics of Relationships

Navigating relationships should be its own Olympic sport! It requires endurance, practice, perseverance and commitment, not to mention to ability to skillfully overcome hurdles. We bring our own values, beliefs, aspirations and expectations, and we speak our own respective “love languages.” Finding ways to interconnect and interact with one another is not always smooth, easy or straight forward. Exploring five basic categories of romantic partnerships (independence, mutuality, interdependence, dependence, and co-dependence), we are reminded that relationship dynamics fluctuate. Sometimes we need more closeness. Sometimes we need more space. Experiment and discover what feels right for you in your relationship... it's an ever-evolving process.

Opening Our Eyes to Racism

The past few weeks, this country has witnessed a storm of violence and devastation, anger and pain, rage and fear, denial and defensiveness. The racism and injustice we continue to encounter in our society and within ourselves is a desperate call to us for change. Yet, many people struggle to know how to respond or what we can do that will actually make a difference.

We must be honest with ourselves. True introspection requires the capacity to observe, to acknowledge and accurately identify what is (and has been) happening, and to be keenly self-aware. Perhaps then, we might understand where to begin.

Weaving Together Women of the World

Nestled on the banks of the Mekong River, wrapped in fuchsia-colored bougainvillea and lush tropical plants, is a magical place called Ock Pop Tok. An integral part of their vision is to empower the local women by providing them with economic stability and leadership opportunities and increasing the value of the work they have done for generations. As I watch the women effortlessly and dexterously create intricate and flawless patterns on their complicated looms, I take a moment to reflect on the differences in the women’s movement in my own country.

Healing with Gratitude

Witnessing the destruction of the California wildfires over the last couple of weeks has given me pause to reflect. Although we weren't directly impacted, several close friends and family members were evacuated, and some experienced considerable damage to their properties. My heart goes out to those who lost their homes. Being a relatively nostalgic and sentimental person, I couldn't imagine losing everything…

People and RelationshipsErin MasonNovember 17, 2018community, current events, family, gratitude, healing, perspective, relationships

When a Break-Up Means Heartbreak

Have you ever known intuitively that a relationship wasn’t right for you?… Felt resolved to end it at some point? (“Just not yet.”) Somehow, weeks, months, even years pass by, and for various reasons you still can’t seem to bring yourself to end it? I have…

People and RelationshipsErin MasonJuly 19, 2017breakup, heartbreak, love, relationships, resilience, separation

Mother's Day: A "Tricky Conundrum"

It’s a “tricky conundrum,” says Ryan Jon in his social media video addressed to his biological mother in recognition of Mother’s Day. The annual reminder to honor, celebrate, and appreciate the women who raised us is often times countered with an emotionally complex tsunami of loss, pain and sense of isolation…

People and RelationshipsErin MasonMay 14, 2017adoption, perspective, relationships