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The Art of Repair in Relationships

The Art of Repair in Relationships

In Japan, kintsugi is the art of mending of broken objects. Sometimes our relationships can feel broken. We make mistakes, we see things from different points of view, we disagree, our priorities shift, we drift apart. Every relationship encounters conflict. No relationship is perfect. The greatest marker of a healthy relationship is one that is able to repair effectively. Repair is the cornerstone of a secure relationship. Cultivating the capacity to recover from conflict helps us restore safety and trust.

Like kintsugi, mending our relationships makes them resilient and whole again. When we invest in the art of repair, we end up with something that not only stands the test of time, but actually increases in value.

Using the acronym R.E.P.A.I.R, this article explores six basic principles to restore connection in your relationships.

Anger Part 3: Finding Your Release Valve

Anger Part 3: Finding Your Release Valve

“I had a long fuse, but when it blew, watch out!” Erik explained. He was always a rule follower, well-behaved and compliant, but even as a kid, he struggled with his anger. His early strategy to suppress it became unsustainable as he grew older and experienced life's challenges.

We are taught to control it, conceal it, avoid it, deny it, deal with it. We are usually not taught to feel our anger, nor how expressing it effectively can be healthy for us. How do you express anger at your worst? How do you express anger at your best?

Learning to respond to anger effectively helps to harness this powerful emotion so that it doesn’t hijack you unexpectedly. Make your anger work for you rather than against you. Prioritize safety, then don’t be afraid to unleash the beast. Learn how to self-regulate, then experiment with how to express your anger.

Read more for ways to safely respond and express this powerful emotion…

Life as an Experimental QUEST

Life as an Experimental QUEST

I am a recovering pendulum swinger. Extreme behaviors, on both ends of the continuum, have punctuated my life. All or nothing has often been the name of my game. This approach can feel unsustainable and counterproductive at times, and has challenged me to explore more effective ways to approach life.

Rather than taking an absolute attitude toward goal setting, what if we viewed our aspirations as a quest for discovery and understanding? Using the acronym Q.U.E.S.T. invokes a more more playful and experimental perspective. When we bring a sense of childlike curiosity and openness to our endeavors, there is less pressure and more space to enjoy our exploration without fear or expectation. An experimenter is willing to try something new, take chances, and reroute or improvise when necessary. This approach encourages us to observe and influence change, rather than forcing it.

Will you accept this invitation to to experiment, to play, and to get curious about creating potential and possibility in your life?

Finding Happiness in the Micro-Adjustments

Finding Happiness in the Micro-Adjustments

Award winning playwright, Tom Stoppard said, “Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight.”

Discovering our equilibrium (aka balance) is a dynamic process. Life is constantly changing. What felt like a good balance yesterday might not feel relevant today or next week/month/year. When we are standing on one leg, our muscles automatically make infinite micro-adjustments to help us find our balance. Psychologically speaking, micro-adjustments can be equally effective in helping us discover equilibrium. Deepening our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with balance helps us to identify what feels off kilter so we can shift our weight accordingly. Even minor adjustments in how we think and how we approach life have the potential to influence our experiences in significant and powerful ways and tip our scale toward increased fulfillment and happiness.

Beyond Our Potential ~ Thriving in Adversity

Beyond Our Potential ~ Thriving in Adversity

On the other side of the world, in the parched, desert landscapes of places like Nepal, Yemen, and Southwest India, the ashwagandha plant emerges from dry, rocky soil. Similar to these plants (known as adaptogens), we not only adapt through adverse environments and experiences, we adjust and access our inherent resources in remarkable ways.

On this side of the world, a very close family member was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As I witnessed her patience and courage through the process, I was astounded by how gracefully she navigated the pain, the setbacks, and the frightening reality of her condition. I asked her what she attributed to her strength and determination. She genuinely had no idea.

We may not always realize it, but when we face challenges, we become physically and psychologically more resilient. Take a moment to reflect on the challenges you’ve faced throughout your life and the opportunities they offer to learn about yourself.

Cultivating Security ~ Part 3: Strengthening Your Core from Within

Cultivating Security ~ Part 3: Strengthening Your Core from Within

Strengthening our abdominal muscles helps to reduce the risk of falls and injury. Fortifying our psychological core helps to to cultivate security from within. These exercises include: 1) identifying what makes you feel authentically safe, 2) exploring your internal landscape to better understand your experiences, and 3) establishing consistent practices to reinforce your sense of security. From a solid, strong center, we are able to move our body with greater agility and balance. Similarly, when we actively practice engaging our internal psychological strength, we have better capacity to respond with flexibility and confidence. To do this we must take personal responsibility. We don’t get six-pack abs by watching someone else do crunches!

Let Go of Control and Find Freedom

Let Go of Control and Find Freedom

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” she repeated over and over from the edge of her hospice bed. It still echoes in my ears, along with a residual compulsion to make it better somehow. The powerlessness was palpable. My mind said, “do something!” but my heart knew there was nothing to be done. It’s unbearable to witness the suffering of someone you love. The grasping and sense of urgency is instinctive, but I felt overcome with a haunting paralysis. Then, something shifted. Throughout life we are taught in various ways how to master a sense of control. We think of it as the capacity to determine, restrain, or manage any given situation. But ultimately, control is fleeting and elusive. It’s like trying to chase the ocean waves or catch a bubble in your hands. Just when we think we have it, it eludes us. Are we ever really in control?

An Abundance Mindset: 4 Ways to Shift Out of Scarcity Thinking

An Abundance Mindset: 4 Ways to Shift Out of Scarcity Thinking

Scarcity is synonymous with inadequacy, deficiency, lack or dearth. Many of us experience scarcity when we operate from a place of not-enoughness. Concepts that characterize this not-enoughness (e.g. scarcity mindset, inferiority complex, imposter syndrome, etc.) have become common vernacular. Scarcity mindset implies a tightening, grasping, fearful and defensive stance. Just as we can get caught in a cycle of threat, shutting down, immobilization and fear, we can also embark on a self-perpetuating journey of choice, openness, flow and enoughness. Approaching our circumstances, decisions, and relationships from a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity, allows us to relax, open-up, and trust that whatever is, is enough.

You Are the Architectural Wonder Behind the Scaffold

You Are the Architectural Wonder Behind the Scaffold

The iconic Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris is currently shrouded by metal scaffolding as it undergoes repairs from the fire damage it suffered in 2019. Scaffolding is a temporary, yet complex network of supports which make it possible to construct, erect, create, repair or restore the edifice residing within. As humans, we also require supports as we evolve. We can think of this as social scaffolding (eg external validation, reinforcement, etc). However, the internal structure, the authentic edifice of your inner self is the true architectural wonder and will be what remains. Cultivate deeper understanding of this interactive and interdependent process…

Spring Into Action: Find Your Green Growing Edge

Spring Into Action: Find Your Green Growing Edge

Spring is known as the season of rebirth and awakening which can also be associated with discomfort or “labor pains.” There is a stirring beneath the surface, a rumbling from within, the sense that things are shaking up. There is a distinct shift in the air, an expression of restlessness, a need to stretch and move, a longing for change. Similar to what happens in nature, when we begin to feel grumblings of restlessness, discontent or stuckness, this also indicates regeneration, emergence, and transformation. Whether that means stepping into the unknown, facing our doubts or fears, cultivating the seedlings of our creative aspirations, or nudging ourself out onto that green growing edge, we are called to take action.

Why Winter is the Right Time for Reflection

Why Winter is the Right Time for Reflection

The hum of the holiday season is past, and along with it, the social festivities and whirl of excitement and anticipation. Midwinter represents a season of contrasts—cold and cozy, dark and light, death and life. We might find ourselves more susceptible to physical illness, depression, fear, or anxiety during the winter. Yet, this season also offers us an opportunity to reflect, restore our energy and resources, and focus more on what nourishes us. Inside this article are six interesting ways to inspire your winter refections…

Rooted in Self-Trust

Rooted in Self-Trust

We typically associate the concept of trust in relation to other people—how credible, believable or reliable we find someone to be. However, we often struggle to develop that same trust, confidence, and belief in ourselves. We can grow self-trust by deepening the roots of understanding of who we are, strengthening our trunk (or core) by honestly accepting, forgiving and being present for ourselves, and extending branches of ourself that respond to life’s challenges with flexibility and perspective. It is a process. Yet, cultivating this kind of deep inner trust is enduring, irreplaceable, and self-perpetuating.

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 2 ~~ Why and How to Open

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 2 ~~ Why and How to Open

As we enter into the holidays, we may find ourselves challenged to be around people with whom we disagree. We seem to increasingly judge those who don’t think, believe, or vote like us, and lash out against one another based on vaccination status, political affiliation, and personal priorities. Life is not binary. It’s not as simple as good vs. bad, right vs. wrong, black vs. white, blue vs. red, you vs. me. Life is a continuum of experiences and perspectives. How can we challenge ourselves to imagine what it’s like to see through another person’s eyes? Empathy is the art of figuratively stepping into another person’s shoes, and imagine what it’s like to be them. The ability to imagine an experience outside of our own helps to connect us with compassion. Compassion is the bridge to our shared experiences and our common humanity. In this article, consider four questions to inspire an expanded perspective, an abundant mindset, and curious compassion…

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 1 ~~ When We're Closed

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 1 ~~ When We're Closed

As different as our modern life may be in comparison to the primitive threats to survival our ancient ancestors faced, we still encounter a plethora of real and perceived attacks—natural disasters, social and economic injustices, political rivalries, bullying in schools and social media, viruses run amok, and perhaps above all, vastly conflicting views on how to address those threats. When we feel threatened, we contract—physically, emotionally, and mentally. In this defensive position, we tend to operate from a place of fear, judgment toward others (or ourselves), and a need to protect or preserve what we have. What causes us to feel closed, cautious, and uncertain?

Falling Inward ~ 5 Ways to Harness Autumn Healing

Falling Inward ~ 5 Ways to Harness Autumn Healing

For many years I dreaded the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. Days felt desperately short, nights were dark and threatening, and trees shed any sign of life leaving behind their tree skeletons. This began, for me, with a life crisis that took place during the autumn months several decades ago. For years afterward, I had a painful association the moment I felt the sharp shift in the air and the changing colors of leaves before they would drop from their branches. Whether we love or loathe the fall, this transitional season offers us an opportunity to heal from our past life experiences. Here are five key autumn themes to support our natural healing process…

Self-DiscoveryErin MasonNovember 3, 2021authentic life, discovery, empowerment, fall, healing, letting go, nature, nurture, peace, perspective, resilience, restorative, seasonal, transformation, transition, wellness, experience, introspection, hibernate, growth, shadow work, security, change

Breathing in a Better Life

Breathing in a Better Life

“Just take a deep breath." It’s the most commonly distributed advice when we are stressed or anxious, angry or uncertain, unable to concentrate, or unable to sleep. It seems too simple and too mundane to actually work. Yet the art of mindful breathing boasts many physical, psychological, and cognitive benefits. In Chinese medicine, the lungs are associated with the season of autumn which makes this the perfect time to create your own breath practice. Take a look at my video for a guided practice as we explore seven different breathwork strategies and how they help to calm, restore and enhance our overall sense of wellness.

Cultivating WellnessErin MasonSeptember 30, 2021autumn, breath, breathwork, detoxify, empowerment, equanimity, yoga, health, healing, harmony, healthy living, letting go, mindfulness, nature, peace, practice, resilience, seasonal, wellness, awareness, pranayama, vagus nerve, parasympathetic, anxiety, stress relief

How to Survive Competition & Rejection

How to Survive Competition & Rejection

Most of us have experienced rejection in countless ways over our lifespan. The feeling of being rejected activates our brain in much the same way as physical pain. We subconsciously experience rejection as a direct threat to our survival and wellbeing. We begin to believe that if we are not good, successful, attractive, rich, or powerful enough, we will be rejected. This way of thinking keeps us stuck in a trap where we desperately fear rejection, feel forced to compete or prove ourselves by compensating for what we perceive as shortcomings, and ultimately contributes to a society that is rooted in deception and disconnection. Alternatively, we can consciously choose to cultivate skills which allow us to be true to who we are, provide a sense of freedom, and help us to advance both individually and collectively. Our more evolved survival strategies must incorporate collaboration, creativity, compromise, compassion, and connection.

People and RelationshipsErin MasonSeptember 15, 2021adversity, breakup, connection, empowerment, resilience, rejection, competition, stress, compassion, cancel culture, survival strategies, cooperation, collaboration, creative solutions

Psychological Mirages: Perfection. Balance. Control.

Psychological Mirages: Perfection. Balance. Control.

Being from the southwest, where long roads stretch across the O’Keefe-esque landscape, I learned early on about the phenomenon of mirages. Off in the distance, it appears. A big puddle of water, right in the middle of the road. But as you drive closer, it vanishes. How much of our lives are spent in search of illusions and perceptions of ideals that are elusive and unattainable? Perfection, balance, and control are psychological mirages. In our striving for perfection, our longing for balance, and our grasping for control, we paradoxically lose it. What is it we are we truly seeking and how might we discover more of ourselves through the process?

Filter Focused ~ Are We Smudging Ourselves Out?

Filter Focused ~ Are We Smudging Ourselves Out?

What is it that makes our society so filter-focused? Photo filter apps like Instagram, Facetune, and Perfect Me are designed to blur, lighten, soften and obscure our imperfections. We learn very quickly how to morph and modify ourselves to appear acceptable. The ways we filter ourselves go beyond the blemishes, wrinkles and extra pounds. We also find ways to blur our beliefs and values, smudge out our fears and insecurities, and obscure the truth of who we are. Filters may soften or dim our imperfections, flaws and faults, and we can utilize them with discernment. However, we must also remember the importance of high-resolution focus and clarity to guide us toward our deepest sense of authenticity.

Self-DiscoveryErin MasonJune 15, 2021authenticity, identity, discovery, empowerment, perspective, self-concept, self-discovery, self-confidence, trust, truth, wellness, self-image, social media

Feeling Lost? How to Find Our Way

Feeling Lost? How to Find Our Way

Years ago, before GPS was automatically connected to our everyday, handheld devices, I found myself (more than once!) lost in a foreign city, wandering aimlessly. What happens when we feel lost in our lives, doubt in ourselves, or stuck in a holding pattern? Most of us will encounter unexpected life surprises: health issues, job changes, pregnancies, family demands, etc. Life does not come with GPS, or a roadmap, or simple, easy-to-read directions. We have to navigate our way through trial and error. Here are four effective strategies to find our way when we are lost and make valuable self-discoveries in the process…