Rooted in Self-Trust
In college I took an improv class. One of our warm-up exercises was to partner up with a classmate, and with our eyes closed, we were instructed to fall back into our partners arms. We were then directed to stand progressively farther apart, making the fall seem longer each time. This was intended to demonstrate the importance of trusting our partner and fellow students to “catch” us.
We typically associate the concept of trust in relation to other people—how credible, believable or reliable we find someone to be.
The ability to trust the people in our lives, especially at an early age, helps us to establish a secure foundation. Can you trust the people you depend on to love you even when you make mistakes? Do you trust them to be relatively consistent in their temperament, responses, and presence in your life?
Can you trust that they will “catch” you when you fall?
If so, we develop the ability to move throughout the world feeling fairly safe, with some degree of agency and confidence. However, our trust can easily become compromised when the people we depend on repeatedly hurt, reject, or disappoint us.
The reality of human relationships is that we will likely feel hurt, disappointed, rejected or even abandoned at some point in our life. When external sources of trust fail us, we are challenged to develop that trust within ourselves. The internal scaffolding of self-trust is what ultimately helps to sustain us in the most challenging times.
How can we cultivate a sense of inner trust?
Imagine your favorite tree—an ancient California redwood? a billowy weeping willow? a towering palm tree? a shady giant oak? All have the same basic parts: roots, a trunk, and branches.
Our Roots
& History
Self-awareness and self-understanding
Where do you come from?
In much the same way that a tree is directly impacted by the terrain and soil in which it is rooted, we are intimately affected by our family history and environment. Reflect on the terrain in which you have been planted.
What circumstances have influenced you and how?
Some trees stand alone with their roots buried far and deep into the earth, while some roots run closer to the earth’s surface, intertwined with the roots of other nearby trees for support.
Our childhood experiences, socio-cultural conditioning, significant relationships, and meaningful or traumatic events all contribute to our root system and how we’ve learned to adapt over time.
The ability to recognize the influence of such a multi-faceted, complex combination of variables allows us to access the “root” of who we are with profound understanding. How have your experiences shaped your perspectives, fears, insecurities, needs, and values?
What helps you to feel grounded, nourished, and protected?
Whether they run deep or shallow, a tree accesses the majority of its nutrients via the root system.
What helps you to feel safe and steadfast?
Consider the basic elements for good health (e.g. food/water, sleep, movement, supportive community, etc.).
How do you protect yourself from threat (e.g. toxins, depleting relationships, intrusive thoughts, etc.)?
Think of ways you can be more discerning about what you allow into your environment (physical, mental, emotional space).
Our Trunk & the
Present Moment
Honest acceptance of our experiences
Are you able to meet yourself where you are in the present moment?
Unless we dig beneath the surface to uncover the roots, or look up to assess its leaves and branches, the most conspicuous part of a tree is often its trunk. When we are fully present with ourselves in any given moment, we can clearly observe and honestly respond to what we see. Do you truthfully acknowledge your role and responsibility in your current life circumstances?
Can you BE with yourself by seeing and accepting yourself as you truly are?
Like the stable and sturdy trunk of a tree, the core of who we are must be steadfast with the capacity to hold the range of our life experiences and how they have contributed to who we are, including both our strengths and our vulnerabilities.
Can you hear and hold the quiet yearnings of your heart?
Do you feel safe to inquire who you truly are without judgement or criticism?
Do you value your imperfections (including failures and mistakes)?
The trunk of a tree can be damaged by weather, critters, or overt vandalism, yet often this does not threaten the integrity of the tree’s overall health. I’ve seen trees which have been charred by forest fire, yet another part grows vibrant and lush. In human terms, none of us escape this life unscathed.
No one is perfect or without flaw or failure. Are you able to unconditionally welcome those parts of yourself into the wholeness of who you are? If we embrace and integrate these experiences, we can appreciate them as part of our process.
This may require the work of forgiving ourselves or others for past transgressions, or bringing a practice of compassion toward any self-blame, guilt, regret, shame, or doubt. Consider how we tend to trust those who love and accept us despite, perhaps even because of, our shortcomings. When we approach ourselves this way, we encounter a powerful opportunity for self-reconciliation, as we acknowledge and lovingly accept responsibility for our own choices.
Obstacles, mistakes, and other challenging experiences are critical to the development of our resilience – a quality that supports a “growth mindset.”
Our Branches &
the Future
Respond with flexibility and openness
Can you adapt to various “weather” conditions with ease?
Just as a tree is able to sustain torrential rain or winds, survive a drought, or recover from a bark beetle, how do you respond to conditions outside your control? How do you transition in changing situations and seasons? Sometimes this might mean adjusting your position to keep yourself safe, or it might mean staying still and waiting for the storm to pass.
Are you able to stay with yourself, even when you begin to spin or spiral?
Branches are more exposed to the elements, yet they stay connected to the trunk of the tree which is firmly grounded by its roots. Like the branches, when we feel affected by the unpredictable elements around us, we may falter and waver. When you feel most susceptible in life’s storms, are you able to practice flexibility and perseverance? Are you able to stay in the stillness and uncertainty, even when it feels uncomfortable?
Are you able to let go when necessary?
Sometimes branches must be pruned to make way for new growth. Some trees bear fruit, but only for a season. The fruit and leaves fall off and a tree may go dormant until a change of season brings out a new bloom.
Do you cling to things from a place of fear or a need for immediate gratification?
Or do you recognize when you must prune or let go of something that is inhibiting your future growth?
Can you welcome the bird’s eye perspective?
A bird builds its nest high in the branches of a tree to keep it safe from predators and to ensure its ability to see as much as possible with a wide lens, so to speak.
Are you able to broaden your focus and zoom out with curiosity to see the big picture?
What greater perspective does the view from the “top” offer you?
Do you create a refuge within yourself?
Like the bird safely retreating to its nest, we too can develop a safe place within where we can be free from threat, judgement, and expectation.
Can you turn toward yourself for refuge and reassurance?
We gain trust by being there for ourselves—not betraying, turning away, or otherwise abandoning ourselves.
Imagine how your refuge looks, feels, sounds, smell, and tastes. Try to create touchstones from your memory and imagination as a reminder of your refuge and invite yourself into this refuge regularly.
Developing and discovering trust in oneself is a lifelong process, which cannot and should not be rushed. There are no effective hacks or checklists. Trust evolves organically through experience and practice. However, we can grow our trust by recognizing and honoring our life experiences, showing up consistently and holding space for ourselves (even when it’s difficult), and expecting, embracing and adjusting to the dynamic changes of life. Cultivating this kind of deep inner trust is enduring, irreplaceable, and self-perpetuating.
Where will you begin to grow your inner trust?