self-trust — EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG

The Transformative Power of Revealing Our Secrets

When I was five years old, I spilled a bottle of nail polish on the carpet. Afraid to confess, I desperately tried to erase the evidence. The more I scrubbed, the more the small, pink stain grew into a coagulated, watermelon-sized mess that lingered for years.

We typically keep secrets to protect ourselves against potential punishment or being judged or misunderstood. We avoid events that feel too scary to share— a trauma, an infidelity, unsurmountable debt, an abortion, or a health diagnosis.

Much like my nail polish incident, the secrets we keep can expand, consuming more of us than we realize. Secrets don’t vanish when we hide them; they shape the stories we tell about ourselves. We expend so much effort and energy hiding or worrying about being found out, we exist in a chronic mode of fear or protection that can make us sick and exhausted.

Secrecy fragments identity. Truth integrates it. When we acknowledge who we are—even the difficult parts—we begin to feel whole. Sharing our truth— wisely, not recklessly— we lighten the weight we’ve been carrying. Sometimes the very thing we’ve kept hidden can become the source of connection, strength, and inspiration for ourself and others.

Inspiring Imperfection in a Season of Comparison

We may imagine summer as a season of ease and freedom—barefoot in the grass, sun on your skin, wind in your hair— but for many of us, it’s also a time that evokes contradiction and comparison. We peel away layers of clothing, only to scrutinize the bodies beneath. Beach holidays and pool parties entice us to be carefree and savor the moment, but we often find ourselves stuck in an old script—measuring our bodies against others, or against our own from summers past.

The goalposts of beauty are always shifting. We internalize the cultural messages and adapt to the fickle social trends. We strive to conform, yet long to feel seen. We pursue perfection, meanwhile we aspire to be authentic. Perfection pushes us into a binary and absolute way of existing: all or nothing, good or bad, right or wrong. Though rooted in the desire to be whole or complete, unrelenting perfectionism often disconnects us from our true selves.

Just as investing in external relationships creates safety and trust, investing in the relationship with ourselves deepens our connection to who we are—not how we look. When we embrace imperfection, we cultivate a more free and authentic relationship with ourselves. Here are 7 Ways to love the skin you’re in this summer.

Finding Happiness in the Micro-Adjustments

Award winning playwright, Tom Stoppard said, “Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight.”

Discovering our equilibrium (aka balance) is a dynamic process. Life is constantly changing. What felt like a good balance yesterday might not feel relevant today or next week/month/year. When we are standing on one leg, our muscles automatically make infinite micro-adjustments to help us find our balance. Psychologically speaking, micro-adjustments can be equally effective in helping us discover equilibrium. Deepening our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with balance helps us to identify what feels off kilter so we can shift our weight accordingly. Even minor adjustments in how we think and how we approach life have the potential to influence our experiences in significant and powerful ways and tip our scale toward increased fulfillment and happiness.

Cultivating Security ~ Part 3: Strengthening Your Core from Within

Strengthening our abdominal muscles helps to reduce the risk of falls and injury. Fortifying our psychological core helps to to cultivate security from within. These exercises include: 1) identifying what makes you feel authentically safe, 2) exploring your internal landscape to better understand your experiences, and 3) establishing consistent practices to reinforce your sense of security. From a solid, strong center, we are able to move our body with greater agility and balance. Similarly, when we actively practice engaging our internal psychological strength, we have better capacity to respond with flexibility and confidence. To do this we must take personal responsibility. We don’t get six-pack abs by watching someone else do crunches!

You Are the Architectural Wonder Behind the Scaffold

The iconic Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris is currently shrouded by metal scaffolding as it undergoes repairs from the fire damage it suffered in 2019. Scaffolding is a temporary, yet complex network of supports which make it possible to construct, erect, create, repair or restore the edifice residing within. As humans, we also require supports as we evolve. We can think of this as social scaffolding (eg external validation, reinforcement, etc). However, the internal structure, the authentic edifice of your inner self is the true architectural wonder and will be what remains. Cultivate deeper understanding of this interactive and interdependent process…

The Internal Tug-of-War

Have you ever promised yourself something, yet done the complete opposite? We typically have a rational understanding of what we want or what is “good” or “bad” for us, yet simultaneously we may feel pulled to act in ways that contradict our reasoning. When we experience internal conflict, it can be helpful to understand what is driving the disconnect. Are we acting in alignment with our true values or are we measuring ourselves by someone else’s standard or expectations? Do we feel free to make our own choices or are we overcompensating by asserting control in unhealthy or counterproductive ways? Does our innate need for safety and familiarity prevent us from taking the necessary risks toward positive change? Life is full of contrasts. We are able to mediate our internal conflicts through enhancing awareness and understanding of our inner contradictions.

Rooted in Self-Trust

We typically associate the concept of trust in relation to other people—how credible, believable or reliable we find someone to be. However, we often struggle to develop that same trust, confidence, and belief in ourselves. We can grow self-trust by deepening the roots of understanding of who we are, strengthening our trunk (or core) by honestly accepting, forgiving and being present for ourselves, and extending branches of ourself that respond to life’s challenges with flexibility and perspective. It is a process. Yet, cultivating this kind of deep inner trust is enduring, irreplaceable, and self-perpetuating.

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