Posts in Cultivating Wellness
Anger Part 3: Finding Your Release Valve

“I had a long fuse, but when it blew, watch out!” Erik explained. He was always a rule follower, well-behaved and compliant, but even as a kid, he struggled with his anger. His early strategy to suppress it became unsustainable as he grew older and experienced life's challenges.

We are taught to control it, conceal it, avoid it, deny it, deal with it. We are usually not taught to feel our anger, nor how expressing it effectively can be healthy for us. How do you express anger at your worst? How do you express anger at your best?

Learning to respond to anger effectively helps to harness this powerful emotion so that it doesn’t hijack you unexpectedly. Make your anger work for you rather than against you. Prioritize safety, then don’t be afraid to unleash the beast. Learn how to self-regulate, then experiment with how to express your anger.

Read more for ways to safely respond and express this powerful emotion…

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Anger Part 2: Toxic or Tonic for Health?

Erik’s anger motivated him to act purposefully and advocate for countless others. Yet, the spark within him could ignite a blazing fire. He unintentionally wounded others with hurtful remarks, and burnt bridges he (figuratively) helped to construct. 

Anger can cause collateral damage to our health and relationships. Dysregulated anger results in impulsive acts of violence, hateful speech, destructive belief systems, and contagion effects with devastating consequences. Some people try to suppress their anger or internalize it, but it almost always makes its way to the surface.

Anger communicates with us when our boundaries are inadvertently crossed or blatantly violated. It not only connects us to our values (eg. fairness, integrity, compassion, etc) and what we care about most (eg. relationships, reputation, etc), anger also motivates us to take action. Although most of us don’t enjoy being angry, acknowledging our anger and its impact on us is an important part of defusing it’s harm and harnessing its power.

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How to Process Your Emotions

“I don’t know what processing my feelings means,” he said matter of factly. “People say that, and have no idea what they mean.” 

We talk about processing our emotions like there is some kind of step-by-step protocol. Unfortunately, the most sustainable remedies for complicated feelings like anger, grief, and anxiety don’t come with easy-to-follow directions or guaranteed results. The processing of our emotional experiences requires significantly more exploration and trial & error. The good news is, our body is a natural processor. It is constantly processing toxins, chemicals, electrical energy, and nutrients. The way our body processes our feelings is similar to the way it processes the food we eat. When we eat too much or eat too fast, we end up with indigestion. When we become overwhelmed with emotion, or avoid or deny our feelings, we can experience emotion indigestion. Though our emotions don’t necessarily follow a narrow course like the digestive tract, our body has an innate capacity to turn a raw experience (like the death of a loved one) into something that nourishes us and facilitates healing. As we learn to integrate our emotions into who we are, we become less fragmented and more authentically whole.

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Bringing Ancient Wisdom into Our Future

Ancient Greek thinkers and philosophers explored the quantitative versus qualitative juxtaposition of the human experience. They had two distinct words to describe time—chronos (clocks & calendars) and kairos (an immeasurable moment). They coined the term hedonia to refer to worldly pleasures, and eudaemonia to describe an internal connection to our sense of purpose.

We are entering a new chapter in history in which the study of ancient practices and expansive states of mind are not only respectable subjects, but are also associated with health and vitality. Concepts such as meditation and breathwork have become more commonplace in the corporate world. Psychedelic-assisted therapies and plant-based medicines have gained traction among reputable medical and research institutions. These modern trends, rooted in ancient tradition, focus on the benefits of expanded states of consciousness which invoke a sense of freedom and possibility.

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Cultivating Security ~ Part 3: Strengthening Your Core from Within

Strengthening our abdominal muscles helps to reduce the risk of falls and injury. Fortifying our psychological core helps to to cultivate security from within. These exercises include: 1) identifying what makes you feel authentically safe, 2) exploring your internal landscape to better understand your experiences, and 3) establishing consistent practices to reinforce your sense of security. From a solid, strong center, we are able to move our body with greater agility and balance. Similarly, when we actively practice engaging our internal psychological strength, we have better capacity to respond with flexibility and confidence. To do this we must take personal responsibility. We don’t get six-pack abs by watching someone else do crunches!

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An Abundance Mindset: 4 Ways to Shift Out of Scarcity Thinking

Scarcity is synonymous with inadequacy, deficiency, lack or dearth. Many of us experience scarcity when we operate from a place of not-enoughness. Concepts that characterize this not-enoughness (e.g. scarcity mindset, inferiority complex, imposter syndrome, etc.) have become common vernacular. Scarcity mindset implies a tightening, grasping, fearful and defensive stance. Just as we can get caught in a cycle of threat, shutting down, immobilization and fear, we can also embark on a self-perpetuating journey of choice, openness, flow and enoughness. Approaching our circumstances, decisions, and relationships from a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity, allows us to relax, open-up, and trust that whatever is, is enough.

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Breathing in a Better Life

“Just take a deep breath." It’s the most commonly distributed advice when we are stressed or anxious, angry or uncertain, unable to concentrate, or unable to sleep. It seems too simple and too mundane to actually work. Yet the art of mindful breathing boasts many physical, psychological, and cognitive benefits. In Chinese medicine, the lungs are associated with the season of autumn which makes this the perfect time to create your own breath practice. Take a look at my video for a guided practice as we explore seven different breathwork strategies and how they help to calm, restore and enhance our overall sense of wellness.

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Psychological Mirages: Perfection. Balance. Control.

Being from the southwest, where long roads stretch across the O’Keefe-esque landscape, I learned early on about the phenomenon of mirages. Off in the distance, it appears. A big puddle of water, right in the middle of the road. But as you drive closer, it vanishes. How much of our lives are spent in search of illusions and perceptions of ideals that are elusive and unattainable? Perfection, balance, and control are psychological mirages. In our striving for perfection, our longing for balance, and our grasping for control, we paradoxically lose it. What is it we are we truly seeking and how might we discover more of ourselves through the process?

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The Power of a Broken Heart

It may seem unusual to write an article about heartbreak in honor of Valentine’s Day, but somehow it feels fitting considering the experience of the last year. The impact of chronic stress, self-neglect (poor diet, sedentary lifestyle), and lack of social connection (supportive relationships) all contribute to poor cardiovascular health. As much as we may be susceptible to heartbreak or heart disease, we are also full of potential for heart fortifying and heart healing. We can support the heart, not only through improved lifestyle choices, but also in recognizing and honoring the profound power it holds. Discover three simple ways to connect to the heart and why it’s important…

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2020: The Year of the Breath

Lately, the breath has gotten a lot of press. 2020 seems to be the year of the breath, or perhaps more accurately, lack thereof. COVID-19, the global pandemic has affected millions of people across the world who have contracted the virus and struggled for breath. People have lost their lives, their loved ones, their livelihoods. In the midst of the virus crisis, we heard the haunting words, “I can’t breathe,” uttered by George Floyd as he was suffocated and publicly murdered under the knee of a white police officer. Our sense of physical and psychological safety has been severely compromised on a number of levels. The often overlooked luxury of breath has become the symbol of health, freedom, justice, and aliveness. As DJ D-Nice regularly reminded us this year, “Let it breathe.”

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Intestinal Fortitude ~ Tapping Into Our Inner Strength

What does it mean to have “intestinal fortitude?” Neuroscientists and psychologists are recognizing the importance of gut health due to the connection between our physiology and our psychology, i.e. the gut-brain connection. From a physiological perspective it’s clear why we would want a healthy and robust gut, but how does this translate in psychological terms? When we feel strong at our core, we are in turn more connected, embodied, and fortified from the inside out. We may identify strengths such as grit, perseverance, empowerment, courage, etc. Once we access these qualities, we realize that they are generated and held, not outside of ourselves, but within our own skin, our mind and psyche.

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It's a Marathon: Cultivating Emotional Endurance

The era of corona—this is turning out to be a marathon, not a sprint. Five months into this pandemic, and we don’t seem to be any closer to the end than we were when this all began. Rates of the virus are fluctuating, businesses are opening and closing again, unemployment is running out, press conference announcements continue to be confusing and conflicting, and events and plans are postponed indefinitely. We do not yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are ways we can learn to increase our emotional capacity and stamina to stay the course.

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Finding Connection in Chaos

We are in this together. I see it written in sidewalk chalk and on handmade posters in front of homes and businesses throughout my neighborhood. We are confined to our homes in our respective corners of the planet, yet we are more interconnected, more interdependent, more united than ever as a human community. As citizens of the world, we have suddenly found ourselves facing a common struggle. If we pause to recognize we are experiencing a significant moment in history, we might ask ourselves, how do we want to make it matter? How can we see this strange and stressful time as an opportunity to make it mean something?

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The Power is in Our Response

The Corona virus and its far reaching implications have had an impact on each of us. Our routines have been rocked, and we have had to modify our lives in the face of unexpected changes as schools, restaurants, events, gyms, and places of work shut down. These disruptions can be disconcerting, especially considering we still don’t yet understand the severity or how long this will last. However, within this challenge, as we navigate the unknown, we also encounter an opportunity. An opportunity to deliberately choose how we respond. An opportunity to emerge from this moment more united and resilient. In our response, we discover our power.

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