Integrity: Being Whole Is Being Well
“Only connect!… Live in fragments no longer.” ~ E.M. Forster
What makes it possible for ancient relics like Machu Picchu or the the Egyptian Pyramids to remain standing despite the passing millennium?
What about the most impressive modern skyscrapers and mind-bending bridges that seem to defy the laws of gravity?
What allows jet planes to travel faster than sound? Or a thin, silky piece of material to deliver a skydiver from 15,000 feet in the air safely to ground?
What keeps architectural wonders, parachutes, and planes all intact?
In one word…
Integrity.
It’s the capacity to work with the forces of nature, not against them.
Most structural engineers, architects, and artists are well-versed in what it means to maintain integrity as a vital aspect of their work. They understand that it is the genuine quality of a construction that allows us to traverse bridges stretched high above the sea without a care, or linger over a long lunch on the 96th floor of a building with clouds congregating below.
Structural integrity provides reliability and safety. It’s flexible and durable, and allows the various parts of a system to come together compatibly and collaboratively.
It’s also integrity that allows us to feel safe in relationship with ourselves and others. It guides us through the process of discovering our true nature and authentic self, and fosters a sustainable trust, resilience, and sense of freedom.
If integrity is the essence of safety, integration is the essence of wellness.
Both concepts are derived from the Latin word integritas, meaning whole, undivided, and complete.
Researcher/author/psychiatrist, Dan Siegel, MD defines integration as “the linkage of differentiated parts.” Whether we’re talking about sheet metal, brain circuitry, or romantic partners, when different and distinct entities connect, while still maintaining their separateness, they are more resilient, congruent, and whole.
Well-integrated brain and body systems work together to promote optimal health. (Coincidentally, the word health originates from an old English word “hælþ,” also meaning whole.) When our thoughts and behaviors are integrated, we act in alignment with our values. When we are integrated in our relationships, we communicate and cooperate in constructive ways.
The process of integration supports our overall wellness and vitality by bringing us into wholeness.
Sometimes we confuse integration with blending, but they are not the same. Siegel uses the metaphor of a fruit salad. He describes integration as a beautiful medley of various types of fruit—strawberries, mango, banana, and kiwi—sharing the same bowl. It is not, he emphasizes, a smoothie!
Blending something or breaking it down to make it conform to a specific agenda may actually result in a loss of integrity. If we force a square peg in a round hole (so to speak) when constructing an airplane, it may jeopardize the flight. Similarly, if we compromise our deepest values to accommodate someone else’s expectations, we may risk our sense of self.
Cultivating integrity invites honesty and congruency between our ideal self and our real self. Maslow refers to the highest among his Hierarchy of Needs as self-actualization. Paradoxically, we reach our fullest potential by realizing that we are in an ever-evolving process of becoming. As we develop our more autonomous and authentic selves, we are better able to tolerate ambiguity, accept ourselves and others with compassion, and come into truer alignment with who we are.
Alignment of Self
* say what you mean
* mean what you do
*do what you say
Of course, as humans, we are full of complexities and contradictions. It’s what makes life interesting!
At times we might feel fragmented or pulled in different directions. We may experience opposing emotions, wants, or needs at the same time.
For centuries, philosophers, prophets, and poets have explored why we as humans so often do what we don’t want to do, and don’t do what we want to do. We are constantly navigating between our conflicting inclinations— Our yearning for decadent chocolate cake and our hunger for a nourishing meal. A desire for novelty and adventure and a need for stability and security. A longing for connection with others and the peace we seek in solitude.
Our internal contradictions coexist in a kind of dance as part of a complex human system. In this system, all the parts inherently belong. Imagine the the intricate astronomical images of stars and planets, each one separate and distinct, yet exquisitely connected by invisible forces. The magnetic pull of one keeps another in orbit. Like the cosmic entities, our human nervous system, immune system, and digestive system are all in magnificent mutual interdependence.
There is a universal interplay within and between us that sustains our very existence.
When we are in integrity with ourselves, we understand the dynamic relationship between our primal instincts and our deeper longings. We become more individually integrated and complete by acknowledging and accepting our various life experiences, emotions, beliefs, and values.
When we deeply know and are honest with ourselves, we grow our ability to connect in more differentiated, yet harmonious ways. Developing integrity within ourselves inevitably influences our integrity in community with others.
Like pieces of a global puzzle, we may not all intersect or fit together perfectly, but every piece is integral to the whole. Integration honors and appreciates distinct differences. It’s inclusive, making space for every part, every member.
When we get stuck in a narrow, absolute, or binary perspective, we become fragmented and divided. Disintegrated and fragile.
The antidote is wholeness—imagining the whole picture, accepting how the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and cultivating a sense of fullness and sufficiency through integrity. We become collectively integrated by expanding our perspective to understand ourselves and others in relationship to the world we share.
A precious jewel consists of many unique facets, and we (individually and collectively) contain a variety of complimentary and conflicting parts. As each facet catches the light differently, each part gives greater expression to the whole. We have integrity when, like a jewel, we are genuine and true, and as we come together, with all our distinct facets, we become more whole, healthy, authentic, and free.