acceptance — EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG

Anger Part 3: Finding Your Release Valve

“I had a long fuse, but when it blew, watch out!” Erik explained. He was always a rule follower, well-behaved and compliant, but even as a kid, he struggled with his anger. His early strategy to suppress it became unsustainable as he grew older and experienced life's challenges.

We are taught to control it, conceal it, avoid it, deny it, deal with it. We are usually not taught to feel our anger, nor how expressing it effectively can be healthy for us. How do you express anger at your worst? How do you express anger at your best?

Learning to respond to anger effectively helps to harness this powerful emotion so that it doesn’t hijack you unexpectedly. Make your anger work for you rather than against you. Prioritize safety, then don’t be afraid to unleash the beast. Learn how to self-regulate, then experiment with how to express your anger.

Read more for ways to safely respond and express this powerful emotion…

Finding Your Treasure During the Ebb Tide

The still and stagnant moments in our life feel scarier than the crises and chaos. Maybe it’s situational, seasonal, economic, or cosmic (some planet must be in retrograde somewhere!), but whatever it is, the phone stops ringing. The vibrant social momentum we once enjoyed seems muted and still. Our health goals, income, or relationship situation can suddenly plateau for no apparent reason.

The term “flow” has become a familiar concept in the world of pop psychology, and is associated with heightened productivity, focus, timelessness, and creativity. The flow of the ocean offers a sense of energy, life, and motion, but when we are so preoccupied with catching the wave, we neglect the more subtle beauty of the ocean’s ebb. The ebb tide reveals something rich, interesting, and alive if we have the courage to explore it. The silence, stillness, and emptiness may provide unexpected benefits. Discover how what seems like nothingness might actually be full of possibility.

10 Ways to Navigate Life’s Challenging Changes

We are constantly moving through inevitable shifts and seasonal cycles in our respective lives. Getting married or splitting up. Welcoming a new baby or adjusting to an empty nest. Freezing eggs or surrendering to the waning biological clock. Changing careers or preparing for retirement.

At times we may encounter unexpected changes that can leave us feeling confused, disoriented, or even powerless. Other times, we might feel an inner restlessness motivating us to try something new. We may deeply desire something different—in a romantic relationship, career, location, or lifestyle—but struggle to find the impetus to act on it. We teeter between taking risks and staying with what feels safe and familiar. Whether you’re in a season of growth or pruning away, celebration or reflection, starting school or ending a chapter, incorporate these 10 simple strategies to navigate life’s challenging changes with greater ease and authenticity.

Let Go of Control and Find Freedom

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” she repeated over and over from the edge of her hospice bed. It still echoes in my ears, along with a residual compulsion to make it better somehow. The powerlessness was palpable. My mind said, “do something!” but my heart knew there was nothing to be done. It’s unbearable to witness the suffering of someone you love. The grasping and sense of urgency is instinctive, but I felt overcome with a haunting paralysis. Then, something shifted. Throughout life we are taught in various ways how to master a sense of control. We think of it as the capacity to determine, restrain, or manage any given situation. But ultimately, control is fleeting and elusive. It’s like trying to chase the ocean waves or catch a bubble in your hands. Just when we think we have it, it eludes us. Are we ever really in control?

Psychological Mirages: Perfection. Balance. Control.

Being from the southwest, where long roads stretch across the O’Keefe-esque landscape, I learned early on about the phenomenon of mirages. Off in the distance, it appears. A big puddle of water, right in the middle of the road. But as you drive closer, it vanishes. How much of our lives are spent in search of illusions and perceptions of ideals that are elusive and unattainable? Perfection, balance, and control are psychological mirages. In our striving for perfection, our longing for balance, and our grasping for control, we paradoxically lose it. What is it we are we truly seeking and how might we discover more of ourselves through the process?

The Paradox of Acceptance

Acceptance is a critical step toward any change we hope to manifest. How can we accept things as they are when we want them to be different? Are we meant to accept powerlessness, inadequacy, limitations, defeat, injustices? If we accept the way things are, does that mean we have given up, surrendered, forfeited? Are we saying “okay” to the extra 20-pounds, the stagnant marriage, the monotonous job, the nagging anxiety, the pervasive injustices in our world? If we accept things as they are, how do we expect anything to change? Acceptance invites us to approach instead of avoiding. It urges us to acknowledge rather than denying. In the counterintuitive paradox of acceptance we open up to positive change and potential for healing.

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