It's a Marathon: Cultivating Emotional Endurance
Photo credit: Isaac Wendland
“How much longer?” “Are we almost there yet?” The thirteen-hour drive to visit my family during the holidays when I was kid seemed to stretch out forever. The more impatient I became, the more my legs seemed to cramp up from being squished in between my brother and my uncle in the backseat. The more I focused on how slowly my dad was driving, the more desperately I wanted to fling the car doors open and jump out. I could feel the urge to scream rise up from throat as the minutes ticked by in slow motion.
Sometimes we just want to get there! Wherever there is. We want to see the end of whatever challenge we are facing. We want it to be over—our drive, our workweek, our kid’s “terrible two” stage, our weight loss goals, our academic degree, and most definitely this damn COVID thing!
Five months into the era of corona, we don’t seem to be any closer to the end than we were when this all began. Rates of the virus are fluctuating, businesses are opening and closing again, unemployment is running out, press conference announcements continue to be confusing and conflicting, and events and plans are postponed indefinitely.
More and more we are all wondering, “How much longer? Are we almost there yet?” We may be screaming inside, “I can’t take it anymore!” Our motivation, hope and optimism are faltering. We are burned out, exhausted and exasperated by the news and statistics, not to mention discouraged by the long stretch of road we seem to be facing before us.
How can we survive the disturbing uncertainty of the future and our desperate urge to put all this behind us? Perhaps, as my dear friend (who inspired this article) suggested, we must recognize and approach this experience as a marathon, not a sprint. We do not yet see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, the marathon metaphor offers us wisdom to guide us through the long haul.
As with a marathon, we are discovering during this pandemic that we can’t just push through without the proper training and preparation. In addition to the pragmatic tips on how to keep ourselves physically safe and mentally sound, we also are challenged to find ways to increase our emotional capacity to stay the course. Here are a few tips to promote emotional endurance:
1) Pace Ourselves—We cannot simply run faster to get to the end, because we will burn out before we can even get to the first water stop.
Self-awareness (a.k.a. slow down before you fatigue)—Practice paying attention to your emotional state. If you begin to feel more irritable, anxious or disheartened, consider it a sign to downshift.
Boundaries (a.k.a. take a break at every mile marker)—Understand, respect and protect the time and space we need to maintain equanimity. Building in opportunities (breaks) to catch our emotional breath is critical for our overall stamina.
Modify and adjust (a.k.a shorten your stride)—Taking smaller steps, or breaking down time, tasks, and even feelings into manageable segments, helps to conserve energetic and emotional resources.
2) Marathon Mentality—People who successfully complete marathons believe in themselves and use brain tips and tricks to do so.
Right-brain focus—Engage the creative, playful and intuitive aspects of the right brain. Invite fantasy in the process of storytelling or exploring. Know when the logical left-brain is resulting in a limited or inhibited way of thinking. (Hint: turn off the news)
Visualize—Use the power of the mind to imagine in specific detail how you will perform while overcoming obstacles, gaining strength, wisdom, experience, etc. as a result of running this course or working through your day. Mantras can also help to harness the power of positive thought. (@i.am.mantra)
Milestones—Set up mental landmarks or points along your process where you can acknowledge being on track and celebrate incremental successes. Since we are not on a linear or well-calculated 26-mile run, think of this more like a labyrinth or obstacle course where you can encounter spontaneous oases and hidden treasures along the way. (Hint: we can plant/place our own milestones for ourselves)
3) Expect the Unexpected—Anticipate challenges.
Be prepared—Just as we might have first-aid supplies available during an arduous marathon race, we can also prepare a metaphorical first-aid kit in case we find ourselves emotionally compromised or injured. This might include music playlists, meditation apps, essential oils, contact info for supportive friends (or therapists), inspiring quotes, favorite funny movies, decadent chocolate bars, travel photos, etc. Create a “first-aid” box or virtual file with what would serve as a salve, a bandage and a support in time of need.
Push past the “wall”—Most marathoners know to expect a moment in the course, usually around mile 20, when they experience extreme exhaustion to the point they doubt whether or not they will be able to continue. However, many will tell you, if you develop strategies to push past that “wall,” the path opens up again, the muscles recover their strength, the mind becomes clear, and the finish line feels attainable. Harnessing perseverance and determination at a critical moment of doubt and discouragement is like flexing an emotional muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger and more readily it comes.
** Don’t Forget the Basics—No amount of preparation, training, or positive thinking will be fully effective unless you are also meeting your most basic needs.
Nourish—Fuel your body consistently. Stay hydrated. Eat a balanced (fat, fiber, protein) diet to promote blood sugar balance, mood regulation, nutrient absorption, and enhanced energy.
Move—Moving our body releases essential neurotransmitters and feel good hormones that help us to feel confident, connected and hopeful.
Recover—Allow for proper sleep to rest and restore your resources.
Discover the Purpose. Unlike the marathoner, who runs the race specifically to cross the finish line, we’re not quite sure what course we’re on with COVID. Without a clear and understandable purpose, we’re left to create one for ourselves.
As an avid traveler, I have often found myself in uncomfortable or unfamiliar environs, yet I have always challenged myself to think about what cultural experience, what food, what tradition, what characteristic of the local people, what quality or essence of the place I have visited would I like to bring back with me to incorporate into my “normal” life.
If COVID were a country or foreign culture (as it certainly is unfamiliar), what part of this experience would you like to bring with you into your future “normal” life? What new priority or appreciation do you have as a result of this experience? What practice, habit, ritual or relationship would you like to continue?
When we become so fixated on the finish line or the end result, we lose sight of the landscape, the lessons, the people, and perspectives we might have appreciated along the way. As you navigate this era of corona, see yourself as a great adventurer in the making, a burgeoning creative storyteller, an athlete in training. Discover your purpose and your strategies to stay the course of this marathon.
“The marathon stands out as one of the most esteemed of life’s achievements, which has to be won by pulling from within oneself the physical, mental and spiritual resources over an extended period of time.”
~Jeff Galloway