Anger Part 1: Where It Comes From and Why It Matters
“If you're not angry, you’re not paying attention!” became Erik’s mantra. Fiercely stubborn in his conviction, he was an army veteran who was passionate about human and civil rights. As time went on, he became increasingly determined to fight against the injustices in the world.
Sometimes his anger misfired. His face would turn crimson and the veins in his temples and neck would swell. He might snap at an unsuspecting bystander. “I said NO mayonnaise!!!” he shouted at an innocent waitress.
He had been wounded in random brawls defending a stranger from an unmatched bully. He had been asked to step down from boards and committees for his uncensored way of speaking out. He distanced himself from family and friends who disagreed with him.
Other times, he would fester in silence, shaking his fist at the television, while his insides stewed like a pressure cooker. He carried his anger with him everywhere he went. It affected him in palpable ways. The cynicism clouding his otherwise crystal blue eyes.
Anger affects everyone.
Whether it’s the political state of affairs, road rage, economic disparities, dog piles on your lawn, the online dating racket, the elusive promotion at work, the ambivalence of other generations, the inconsiderate neighbor who blasts their music at all hours, or the pervasive racial/social injustices, there is much to be angry about.
If we pay attention, our anger is a great teacher. It’s a healthy emotion and an important and natural human response. Our anger offers important insight into who we are and what matters most to us. It connects us to our values and our life experiences. Furthermore, it motivates us to correct or change situations that violate those values.
An Emotional Asset with a Bad Rap
Considered one of the less pleasant emotions (along with sadness and fear), many of us were taught to control, manage, or suppress our anger.
Anger outbursts in children often result in punitive interventions like timeouts or parent-teacher conferences. As adults, we continue to struggle with finding ways to either express or repress it. For women in particular, it has been less socially acceptable to express or even acknowledge anger as part of the emotional repertoire.
Anger is often associated with violent outbursts or fits of rage. Violence is notoriously identified as Dante’s Seventh Circle of Hell because it can lead to suffering and destruction. Just turn on any news channel to witness to the negative impacts of anger all over the planet.
People who have experienced trauma or violence early in life are especially impacted by anger as adults.
They might have an overdeveloped anger response due to the early and repeated modeling of angry or violent behaviors. Anger becomes a more accessible emotion, often conflated or confused with other emotions such as fear, grief, or loneliness.
Others may have an aversion, vigilance, or heightened sensitivity to anything they perceive as anger (eg. loud noises, raised voices, etc) because it posed a viable threat to them in the past.
Anatomy of Anger
The physiological symptoms we experience when we feel anger provide a better understanding about what is happening inside our body.
We may sense our heart beating faster, heat or flushness in our face and neck, tightness in our gut, or rigidity in our muscles. We may lose our capacity to control or censor our words or actions. Our peripheral vision narrows. “Everything just goes red,” as Erik describes it.
Anger activates the limbic areas of the brain, including the amygdala, known as our internal alarm bell. It’s part of our sympathetic nervous system, aka fight-or-flight. Our experience of anger is connected to our perception of danger or threat, and our survival responses take over. This often takes our executive functions like rational thought, problem-solving, and perspective-taking offline.
Anger creates inflammation in our bodily systems. Blood vessels constrict, the immune system revs up, and stress hormones surge.
Ancient Eastern medicine like Traditional Chinese Medicine and Indian Ayurveda associate anger with a surplus of heat or fire in the body.
We fire up the immune system by developing a fever to fight off bacterial or viral intruders. Similarly, our nervous system heats up to respond to a perceived emotional threat.
The interaction between the physical and metaphysical aspects of anger helps us to further understand the profound impact of this powerful emotion.
Chinese medicine associates anger with the liver, which is the organ responsible for processing blood, removing toxins, and metabolizing protein, carbs and fats. When in balance, it creates a healthy, flexible flow of essential nutrients and hormones, while neutralizing and releasing harmful chemicals.
Just as our physical vitality relies on the liver’s capacity to process and eliminate chemical toxins from the body, our mental and emotional health depends on our ability to process and express emotions like anger effectively.
In Ayurveda, anger is associated with the third chakra which resides within our solar plexus, to include our liver and digestive organs (intestines, pancreas, colon). This third chakra is known as the source of our personal power, and is connected to our sense of purpose, identity and inner confidence.
Explore Your Anger
Understanding what it is that provokes your anger is a porthole into deeper discoveries about yourself.
The situations, relationships, etc. that activate our anger are signals of what we care about most.
Take a moment to think about something that makes you angry. It may seem silly or superficial, or it may be something that seems so vast and beyond your control it feels futile.
For example, let’s say you get angry when your partner or child repeatedly refuses to comply with a seemingly simple request, like put the dishes in the dishwasher. Shouting and the slamming sounds of dishes ensues. There is likely something else underlying the response. (Of course, having to repeat yourself over and over, or being the default dishwasher of the house is certainly annoying!)
Invite a closer look, and peek behind the curtain. What does it feel like when this request is not honored?
Perhaps you’re not feeling heard or don’t feel important enough to be acknowledged, like your feelings or needs are not a priority.
You might feel overwhelmed by a sense of chaos in the kitchen, feeling out of control and powerless.
You may believe the people who are supposed to care about you don’t think your time is important, and your boundaries are being pushed and disrespected.
The immediate reasons and responses to our anger can serve as important clues. Pay attention to them. This is the low hanging fruit, so to speak. Temper tantrums or frustration flareups are often about something somewhat superficial. Upon further exploration, these are signs and signals that reveal the root cause or underlying source behind this integral emotion.