Great relationships, like great music, thrive when we embrace improvisation.
The most common complaints I hear in relationship therapy are: you don't understand me, you don't see me, or you don't appreciate me.
Ultimately, we all want to matter in our relationships, whether it's feeling seen by a romantic partner, being acknowledged by a professional peer or supervisor, or feeling appreciated by a member of our family.
When we don’t feel seen or heard, we end up feeling alone in our relationships. At best this can be isolating. At worst it can feel threatening and unsafe. We’re more inclined to respond defensively. We withdraw, seek out distractions, or attempt to fill the void with other sources (ie vices).
When we show up with interest and curiosity, we’re more engaged and open to the unfolding dynamic between us. It’s a reciprocal dance that requires us to intentionally slow down and pay attention.
Sawubona is a beautiful expression in Zulu which means, "I see you.” It's a reverent acknowledgment, an honoring… a way of meeting you as you are. As we feel seen in our relationships, we experience a sense of safety within ourselves and in the relationship, which allows us to show up more authentically and confidently.
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