Feeling Lost? How to Find Our Way

Years ago before GPS was automatically connected to our everyday, handheld devices, I found myself (more than once!) lost in a foreign city, wandering narrow streets aimlessly, going blocks out of my way to figure out where I was on a map. I’m sorry to say, I have absolutely no sense of direction. Even when I have a map, I will astutely refer to it, study it diligently, then look up at the street sign overhead and walk in the complete opposite direction from my intended destination!

Today, we have GoogleMaps, Mapquest, and Waze to guide us when we are lost or don’t know how to get where we are going. We don’t even necessarily need to know our exact current location. We simply defer to the wonders of modern day technology to tell us where we are or where we want to go.

However, what happens when we feel lost in our lives? Things don’t seem to make sense anymore.

What if we begin to doubt whether or not we’re moving in the right direction? We question what we are doing and why it matters. We lose trust in ourselves, our intentions and our abilities.

What happens when we forget where we were going? Suddenly we find ourselves feeling stuck, circling in a holding pattern, unable to make decisions.

I definitely did not inherit my sense of direction from my father who was a naval aviator. In a letter he wrote in 1969, he described becoming completely disoriented by a severe storm over the Pacific Ocean at night. Despite his innate sense of direction and navigational training, he found himself surrounded by pitch-black darkness, not knowing which way was up or down, hurling through the air at high speed. He stated in the letter how he knew he had to depend on the instrument panel in the cockpit. Even when it didn’t seem right, he had to trust the radar to tell him where he was and point him in the right direction.

Life does not follow a flight plan, nor does it come equipped with a foolproof navigational instrument panel. Rarely are there any easy-to-read, simple directions, or a straight-forward trajectory toward our future aspirations.

A semester off from school may turn into three years of working paycheck-to-paycheck. We may follow a partner to another city, and end up staying decades after the breakup. We often encounter unexpected life surprises: pregnancies, job offers, family demands, health issues, etc. We experience pleasure from our successes and achievements, as much as we endure frustration from countless setbacks and disappointments.

Without GPS or radar, how do we navigate through life challenges when we feel lost, doubtful or stuck?

1) Get oriented—We must establish a sense of where we are before we can know in which direction to move. In order to gain an understanding of our orientation, first we must pause. Then, we can use our own innate resources as an internal gauge.

Our body’s “map”—Our five senses are the physical representation of our present-moment status. What information can we elicit from our immediate environment? What do we 1) see, 2) hear, 3) smell, 4) taste, and 5) feel by touch? Mindful awareness of the five physical senses will help us to assess our current situation by tapping into our body’s experience.
Our body’s “radar”—Our other innate senses allow us to acquire information from our internal landscape. These senses are more visceral or energetic observations. We have access to these sensations when we invite a shift of our awareness inward.
- Proprioception is the sensation of our body in space. How are we feeling about our physical presence in the current situation (our work, relationship, health status, etc.)? Given the circumstances, are we able to move ourselves through space with accuracy, ease and intention?
- Interoception is the sensation of our internal experiences of the body. How do we feel in our own skin? Can we attune to the internal workings within (how we breathe, digest, detox, etc.)? What does our gut instinct, our heart, or our intuition tell us?

When we pay attention to both our body’s outer and inner experience, we gain a deeper understanding of where we are, which more accurately informs the direction in which to proceed.

2) Appreciate the gift of the detour—Sometimes we learn the most about where we want (or don’t want) to be when we give ourselves the permission to simply wander. We might have to go a little out of our way to get our bearings and make sure we’re on the right “path.” Perhaps we even have to backtrack when we take the wrong turn, so to speak. However, we often make unusual discoveries when we offer ourselves the freedom to explore with curiosity. Through the process of the “detour”: What have we learned? How has our perspective changed? What unlikely revelation have we encountered?

3) Set deliberate intentions—We don’t always need to know exactly where we are going; we can choose to stay where we are. I’ve been known to sit down on a bench in the shade or tuck into a coffee shop when I’m lost in a strange city, so I can re-chart my course of action. We can deliberately choose to stay in motion, check things off our to-do lists, and maintain focused on our goals. Or, we can make a deliberate choice to shift into neutral and coast, to accept where we are, and perhaps to gain clarity in allowing ourselves the time to reassess. Both are valuable decisions, especially when they are made with intention.

4) Don’t be afraid to ask for directions—Sometimes we need to ask for guidance, especially if we don’t have the time or resources to wander, or if our detours present significant danger. Consult with someone who knows the terrain either professionally (through knowledge and study) or personally (through life experience). Consider your source carefully; it should be someone you trust to support you with honesty and understanding.

We inevitably encounter storms in life. Storms which can feel disorienting, and despite our “training” or life experience, we may find ourselves seized with doubt, fear, or paralyzing stuckness. We may find ourselves lost.

Though we might not have access to a pilot’s instruments or the innate internal compass of some of nature’s greatest navigators (i.e. monarch butterflies, humpback whales, the swallows of Capistrano, etc.), we each possess our own unique ability to find our way. Through our process, we invite invaluable discoveries about our potential and a sense of clarity about who we are.

“Not till we are lost… do we begin to find ourselves and realize where we are…” ~Henry David Thoreau