EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG — Empowered Times

Empowered Times

Empowered Times

Wellness & Wisdom Blog

Categories:

How to Process Your Emotions

How to Process Your Emotions

“I don’t know what processing my feelings means,” he said matter of factly. “People say that, and have no idea what they mean.”

We talk about processing our emotions like there is some kind of step-by-step protocol. Unfortunately, the most sustainable remedies for complicated feelings like anger, grief, and anxiety don’t come with easy-to-follow directions or guaranteed results. The processing of our emotional experiences requires significantly more exploration and trial & error. The good news is, our body is a natural processor. It is constantly processing toxins, chemicals, electrical energy, and nutrients. The way our body processes our feelings is similar to the way it processes the food we eat. When we eat too much or eat too fast, we end up with indigestion. When we become overwhelmed with emotion, or avoid or deny our feelings, we can experience emotion indigestion. Though our emotions don’t necessarily follow a narrow course like the digestive tract, our body has an innate capacity to turn a raw experience (like the death of a loved one) into something that nourishes us and facilitates healing. As we learn to integrate our emotions into who we are, we become less fragmented and more authentically whole.

Bringing Ancient Wisdom into Our Future

Bringing Ancient Wisdom into Our Future

Ancient Greek thinkers and philosophers explored the quantitative versus qualitative juxtaposition of the human experience. They had two distinct words to describe time—chronos (clocks & calendars) and kairos (an immeasurable moment). They coined the term hedonia to refer to worldly pleasures, and eudaemonia to describe an internal connection to our sense of purpose.

We are entering a new chapter in history in which the study of ancient practices and expansive states of mind are not only respectable subjects, but are also associated with health and vitality. Concepts such as meditation and breathwork have become more commonplace in the corporate world. Psychedelic-assisted therapies and plant-based medicines have gained traction among reputable medical and research institutions. These modern trends, rooted in ancient tradition, focus on the benefits of expanded states of consciousness which invoke a sense of freedom and possibility.

Life as an Experimental QUEST

Life as an Experimental QUEST

I am a recovering pendulum swinger. Extreme behaviors, on both ends of the continuum, have punctuated my life. All or nothing has often been the name of my game. This approach can feel unsustainable and counterproductive at times, and has challenged me to explore more effective ways to approach life.

Rather than taking an absolute attitude toward goal setting, what if we viewed our aspirations as a quest for discovery and understanding? Using the acronym Q.U.E.S.T. invokes a more more playful and experimental perspective. When we bring a sense of childlike curiosity and openness to our endeavors, there is less pressure and more space to enjoy our exploration without fear or expectation. An experimenter is willing to try something new, take chances, and reroute or improvise when necessary. This approach encourages us to observe and influence change, rather than forcing it.

Will you accept this invitation to to experiment, to play, and to get curious about creating potential and possibility in your life?

Love Contradiction

Love Contradiction

Love is confusing. We navigate family pressures, social comparisons, and childhood fantasies as we try to make high-stakes decisions about our future. We encounter conflicting messages ranging from “You deserve better” to “It could be worse.” We are told not to depend on anyone else to make us happy and fulfilled, and yet, studies show that people in meaningful relationships tend to be healthier and happier. Online dating (curating and perusing profiles, responding to messages, coordinating meetups, etc) has been referred to as a full-time job. Analysis paralysis, dating fatigue, and disillusionment are rampant as more people withdraw from daunting dating prospects or settle for unfulfilling partnerships to avoid the risk of starting over. What if we accepted that love is fickle and stopped trying so hard to control it? Rather than white knuckling our way into love, what if we let go and throw our hands in the air. Not in defeat. In liberation and in trust.

People and RelationshipsErin MasonFebruary 13, 2024love, dating, relationships, discovery, breakup, letting go, openness, security, vulnerability

Stuck in the Middle with Compromise

Stuck in the Middle with Compromise

We bring compromise into everything from simple daily choices to difficult life decisions. This basic skill we learn from an early age can become more complicated over time as we navigate our significant relationships, our careers, and the things we value most in life. How do we know our compromises are sustainable? The line can feel blurry when we’re at the juxtaposition between compromising and sacrificing and settling (for status quo). We can unintentionally shift from a revered social skill into a form of self-abandonment. We may settle for an unfulfilling partnership rather than risk starting over. We find ourselves acceding to the work demands of long hours or hostile company culture because we’re convinced this is the best offer we’ll get. We acquiesce to the expectations of every one around us for fear of disapproval or disappointing anyone. Our capacity to attune to our needs, desires and interests ultimately supports our ability to understand where and how to compromise without abandoning ourself in the process. Discover your own unique balance between struggling and settling, stubbornness and sacrifice, conviction and compromise.

Navigating BalanceErin MasonDecember 7, 2023compromise, self-sabotage, relationships, decisions

Memory Part 2: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Memory Part 2: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Memories make up the story of our lives.

We each possess a unique ability to consolidate, store, and integrate memories depending on how we process information. How and what we remember about our experiences becomes an evolving narrative. Our narrative consists of implicit and explicit memory and is influenced by the collective and cultural context in which we dwell. These narratives (with varying degrees of accuracy) contribute to our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. We can harness the malleability of our memory and the meaning we attribute to our experiences to support healing and internalize a more empowering story.

Explore six unique ways to tap into the transformative power of memory and the stories we tell ourselves.

Memory Part 1: Pieces of the Puzzle

Memory Part 1: Pieces of the Puzzle

Years ago I worked with nine-year old twins who were in the backseat of their aunt’s car when a drive-by shooter fired into the automobile killing their mother. The girls, who survived the assault, were impacted differently by the experience. As time went on, their memories of that significant day diverged even more. When we experience something intensely emotional (either positive or negative), we are more likely to remember it. Yet, how is it that two people who share the same experience might remember details completely differently? Everything we’ve ever experienced becomes a piece of the puzzle to create a representation of our life. The stories we tell ourselves are oftentimes the stories we inherently believe will sustain us and help us survive. This is a subjective process. In this two-part article, we explore the dynamic nature of memory and how it influences the stories we tell about ourselves and our world.

Self-DiscoveryErin MasonOctober 18, 2023memory, adaptive, exploration, experience, perspective, subjectivity, trauma, implicit memory, explicit memory, sensory memory, language, survival, conscious, process, storytelling, story, origin story, puzzle

10 Ways to Navigate Life’s Challenging Changes

10 Ways to Navigate Life’s Challenging Changes

We are constantly moving through inevitable shifts and seasonal cycles in our respective lives. Getting married or splitting up. Welcoming a new baby or adjusting to an empty nest. Freezing eggs or surrendering to the waning biological clock. Changing careers or preparing for retirement.

At times we may encounter unexpected changes that can leave us feeling confused, disoriented, or even powerless. Other times, we might feel an inner restlessness motivating us to try something new. We may deeply desire something different—in a romantic relationship, career, location, or lifestyle—but struggle to find the impetus to act on it. We teeter between taking risks and staying with what feels safe and familiar. Whether you’re in a season of growth or pruning away, celebration or reflection, starting school or ending a chapter, incorporate these 10 simple strategies to navigate life’s challenging changes with greater ease and authenticity.

The Power of Your Summer Soundtrack

The Power of Your Summer Soundtrack

We often associate music with these sun-drenched days of pool hangs, road trips, or leisurely afternoons in the shade. Whether your vibe is Dua Lipa or The Doobie Brothers, this warm and vibrant season invites its own annual playlist. Not only does music have the potential to influence your mood, it can also invoke a sense of well-being and safety. Our vagus nerve is the longest cranial nerve in our body, which runs between our brain and our gut. It communicates with nearly every major organ and the striated muscles of our face and neck, to include the ear and the larynx. Evidence suggests we may improve our vagal tone, and thus the restorative functions of our nervous system, through the rhythm, tone, and vibration of music. Sound has tremendous power to heal and restore our body and mind. It can intensify our experiences, ignite our memories, transcend global and cultural divides, and deepen our connection with nature. Music can transport us to another time and place or anchor us into the present moment. What’s on your soundtrack this summer?

Cultivating WellnessErin MasonJuly 21, 2023music, sound, summertime, nature, emotional regulation, vagus nerve, memory, parasympathetic, safety, healthy living, social engagement, restorative, nervous system, trauma, culture, interconnected

Finding Happiness in the Micro-Adjustments

Finding Happiness in the Micro-Adjustments

Award winning playwright, Tom Stoppard said, “Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight.”

Discovering our equilibrium (aka balance) is a dynamic process. Life is constantly changing. What felt like a good balance yesterday might not feel relevant today or next week/month/year. When we are standing on one leg, our muscles automatically make infinite micro-adjustments to help us find our balance. Psychologically speaking, micro-adjustments can be equally effective in helping us discover equilibrium. Deepening our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with balance helps us to identify what feels off kilter so we can shift our weight accordingly. Even minor adjustments in how we think and how we approach life have the potential to influence our experiences in significant and powerful ways and tip our scale toward increased fulfillment and happiness.

Beyond Our Potential ~ Thriving in Adversity

Beyond Our Potential ~ Thriving in Adversity

On the other side of the world, in the parched, desert landscapes of places like Nepal, Yemen, and Southwest India, the ashwagandha plant emerges from dry, rocky soil. Similar to these plants (known as adaptogens), we not only adapt through adverse environments and experiences, we adjust and access our inherent resources in remarkable ways.

On this side of the world, a very close family member was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As I witnessed her patience and courage through the process, I was astounded by how gracefully she navigated the pain, the setbacks, and the frightening reality of her condition. I asked her what she attributed to her strength and determination. She genuinely had no idea.

We may not always realize it, but when we face challenges, we become physically and psychologically more resilient. Take a moment to reflect on the challenges you’ve faced throughout your life and the opportunities they offer to learn about yourself.

Cultivating Security ~ Part 3: Strengthening Your Core from Within

Cultivating Security ~ Part 3: Strengthening Your Core from Within

Strengthening our abdominal muscles helps to reduce the risk of falls and injury. Fortifying our psychological core helps to to cultivate security from within. These exercises include: 1) identifying what makes you feel authentically safe, 2) exploring your internal landscape to better understand your experiences, and 3) establishing consistent practices to reinforce your sense of security. From a solid, strong center, we are able to move our body with greater agility and balance. Similarly, when we actively practice engaging our internal psychological strength, we have better capacity to respond with flexibility and confidence. To do this we must take personal responsibility. We don’t get six-pack abs by watching someone else do crunches!

Cultivating Security ~ Part 2: Do Relationships Fan the Flames of Our Insecurities, Or Do They Put Out the Fire?

Cultivating Security ~ Part 2: Do Relationships Fan the Flames of Our Insecurities, Or Do They Put Out the Fire?

Romantic, professional, platonic, familial… The relationships in our lives can significantly influence our physical, mental and emotional vitality. Meaningful relationships help us experience a sense of safety and trust, and have been shown to be a critical protective factor against common emotional or social ailments (eg. depression, addiction, etc). Yet we can also be hurt in relationships, which can ignite our insecurities and internal defenses. When we listen carefully and pay attention to our needs and feelings in the context of our relationships, we discover more about how to trust ourselves and others, and we access the incredible healing potential of relationships.

Cultivating Security ~ Part 1: Understanding Our Dragons (aka Insecurities)

Cultivating Security ~ Part 1: Understanding Our Dragons (aka Insecurities)

“It does not do to leave a dragon out of your calculations if you live near him,” author J.R.R. Tolkien advises. Many of life’s uncertain situations can provoke our “dragons." Insecurities cause us to feel anxious and doubt ourselves. When they emerge we may experience fear, lack of belonging or connection with others, and low self-worth. Getting to know your dragons can be powerful leverage as we navigate the challenges of life and relationships.

In this 3-part article, we explore:

Where our insecurities come from and how, where, and when they show up
The benefits and limitations of our relationships to help us heal and restore a sense of security
How to deepen our sense of safety, trust and understanding from within ourselves to create a more sustaining and resilient self-identity.

Self-DiscoveryErin MasonFebruary 21, 2023security, secure relationship, insecurities, attachment, codependence, couples, healthy relationships, self-image, self-confidence, self-sabotage, trust, experience

Don't Squander Your Intergenerational Inheritance

Don't Squander Your Intergenerational Inheritance

’Tis the season when we tend to spend an increasing amount of time with our immediate and extended family members. Pop psychology has ushered in a heightened awareness of the role family plays in our own personal development and emotional wellbeing. Research on intergenerational trauma indicates that we are significantly influenced by our parents’ experiences, our grandparents’ experiences, and so on. Essentially, we absorb, adapt, adjust, and accommodate to life based on what was modeled for us and how generations before us responded to their own respective life challenges. If we can inherit fear, insecurity, and trauma from our ancestors, we can also be directly impacted by their courage, fortitude, creativity, and endurance. We don’t hear as much about intergenerational resilience, but we are here in this moment in time because our ancestors persevered and survived. Don’t squander what’s been passed down to you— take ownership of it, reshape it, mold it, improve upon it, and make it your own.

Self-Discovery, People and RelationshipsErin MasonDecember 5, 2022intergenerational trauma, epigenetics, attachment, resilience, resiliency, family, origin story

Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary: A Sensory Experience

Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary: A Sensory Experience

It can be incredibly empowering to use words to give voice to our internal landscape. What does your frustration look like? Does it have a color or shape or size? How does your joy sound? If you could touch your anxiety, how would it feel? Before we were able to speak or comprehend our native language, we instinctively depended on our sensory perception to give us information about safety or threat, contentment or distress, connection or separation. Using language to name or label what we feel can help us make sense of it in a general way. However, our emotional experience is complex and dynamic like a kaleidoscope of unique combinations of texture, contour, melody, and gradations of hue. Where emotion is infinite, language is limited. To deepen our understanding and add further dimension, we might expand not only our vocabulary, but also the way we identify our experience.

Self-DiscoveryErin MasonNovember 14, 2022

Redefining Forgiveness and How to Heal Without It

Redefining Forgiveness and How to Heal Without It

“Forgiveness makes me feel weak and vulnerable.” We can be hurt in a plethora of ways, from overt abuse and injustice, to social infractions and insensitive oversights. The latin word for forgive is “perdonare,” which means “to give completely, without reservation.” This literal and limited definition seems to disregard context. Sometimes it is not possible to offer forgiveness to another person, either because they are no longer alive or accessible, or because it doesn’t feel safe or appropriate for us to do so. If we disqualified the term “forgiveness” from any given transgression, what would be our goal for resolving it? In prioritizing resolution instead of reconciliation, healing rather than pardoning, we may discover more clarity of our own experience.

People and RelationshipsErin MasonOctober 12, 2022avoidance, ambiguity, choices, conflict, decisions, defense mechanisms, emotion, empathy, fear, freedom, forgiveness, growth, grief, health, healthy choices, heartbreak, loss, letting go, peace, parasympathetic, release, resilience, safety, security, self-preservation, protective, threat, trust, survival, vulnerability, values, adversity, experience, healing

Let Go of Control and Find Freedom

Let Go of Control and Find Freedom

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” she repeated over and over from the edge of her hospice bed. It still echoes in my ears, along with a residual compulsion to make it better somehow. The powerlessness was palpable. My mind said, “do something!” but my heart knew there was nothing to be done. It’s unbearable to witness the suffering of someone you love. The grasping and sense of urgency is instinctive, but I felt overcome with a haunting paralysis. Then, something shifted. Throughout life we are taught in various ways how to master a sense of control. We think of it as the capacity to determine, restrain, or manage any given situation. But ultimately, control is fleeting and elusive. It’s like trying to chase the ocean waves or catch a bubble in your hands. Just when we think we have it, it eludes us. Are we ever really in control?

The Dance: How to Ask for Space Without Stepping on Each Other's Toes

The Dance: How to Ask for Space Without Stepping on Each Other's Toes

Overlapping work demands, social schedules, and family obligations can take a toll on our relationship with our partner. We may feel like we’ve lost connection. We may feel taken for granted. We may crave time alone or separate from our partner. How can we ask for what we need without potentially upsetting our partner? What if one person wants more time together and the other needs time apart? It can be painful when the needs of our partner conflict with our own needs. Yet the tension of conflicting needs and the process (“dance”) of discovering resolution can help us to recalibrate, reconnect, and ultimately establish a deeper level of intimacy.

An Abundance Mindset: 4 Ways to Shift Out of Scarcity Thinking

An Abundance Mindset: 4 Ways to Shift Out of Scarcity Thinking

Scarcity is synonymous with inadequacy, deficiency, lack or dearth. Many of us experience scarcity when we operate from a place of not-enoughness. Concepts that characterize this not-enoughness (e.g. scarcity mindset, inferiority complex, imposter syndrome, etc.) have become common vernacular. Scarcity mindset implies a tightening, grasping, fearful and defensive stance. Just as we can get caught in a cycle of threat, shutting down, immobilization and fear, we can also embark on a self-perpetuating journey of choice, openness, flow and enoughness. Approaching our circumstances, decisions, and relationships from a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity, allows us to relax, open-up, and trust that whatever is, is enough.