Life as an Experimental QUEST
With the New Years resolution hype safely behind us, hopefully we can begin to settle into our stride. Perhaps you successfully completed “Dry January,” the Whole 30 elimination diet, or a month long meditation challenge.
If so, congratulations!
If not… you’re not alone.
We often get caught in the continuous pursuit of trying to improve. More exercise, better sleep, less sugar or alcohol, stronger boundaries… the list goes on.
Whether we are focused on our health, relationships, or career trajectory, ultimately, the goals we establish for ourselves are intended to help us realize our potential.
Some people respond best to the all-in approach, extreme challenges, complete eliminations, and hard deadlines for their behavioral goals. There is something to be said for a total reset and the sense of accomplishment that comes from completing a time-limited challenge.
But what happens when we fall off the wagon, so to speak?
The statistics around the sustainability of New Years resolutions is dismal. Many people have abandoned the effort entirely for that very reason.
What if there was a way to move toward our fullest potential and make some important discoveries in the process?
Full disclosure: I am a recovering pendulum swinger. Extreme behaviors, on both ends of the continuum, have punctuated my life. I love a good challenge, and all or nothing has often been the name of my game. This approach can feel unsustainable and counterproductive at times, and has challenged me to explore more effective ways to stay in the game so to speak.
Life is not a win or lose sport. There are no referees or umpires to call the shots. It’s too subjective. The rules are constantly in flux. Out-of-bounds, in-bounds; it’s all relative. The goalposts do (and should) move as we play the game. The only actual finish line is one we likely won’t see until we cross it.
One of the most common approaches to goal setting is marked by the acronym S.M.A.R.T.—specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely.
This approach to goal setting is somewhat narrow by design. It may be intended to prevent overwhelm, discouragement, and burnout, but it might not be the most effective way to change over the longterm.
Even if we are able to break down our “smart” goals into a series of neat little boxes to check, we often inadvertently add more to the queue.
The perpetual need to accomplish, achieve or acquire puts us on a hedonic treadmill, which leaves us with the feeling that we (or our goals) are always incomplete or never enough.
Incessantly struggling to meet our goals can be exhausting and defeating to the point of giving up altogether.
Rather than taking this absolute approach, what if we came from a more playful and experimental perspective?
To experiment we must be willing to get curious. An experimenter is willing to try something new, take chances, explore, and reroute or improvise when necessary. This approach encourages us to observe and influence change, rather than forcing it.
When we bring a sense of childlike curiosity and openness to our endeavors, there is less pressure and more space to enjoy our exploration without fear or expectation.
Q.U.E.S.T.
This alternative acronym to goal setting is an invitation to experiment, to play, to tweak, and to get curious about creating potential and possibility.
Qualitative—Not all goals are easily measured. Consider the value of qualitative rather than quantitative evidence. Think in terms of intangibles like a feeling or an instinct. Anecdotal outcomes are incredibly important because they view the results in the context of a person’s experience. We can then deepen our understanding of the variables which impact our desires, behaviors and responses. Our discoveries help us to make more sense of who we are and what works best for us.
Example: Julie wanted to lose 40 pounds to get back to her pre-baby weight from five years ago. She decided to experiment with the quality and nutritional content of her meals, and let go of her quantitative expectations like numbers on the scale and restricted calorie counts. She noticed how she felt when she modified her meal times and slowed her eating pace. By tuning in to her body she began to notice more qualitative shifts in her appetite and digestion. She observed how she mentally beat herself up when she ate too much, which led her to self-sabotage by eating more. In witnessing these patterns with a sense of neutrality and compassion, Julie was able to suspend self-defeating judgements and respond with perseverance and patience in her process.
Unlimited—Some experiments are carefully designed to look for specific outcomes, but this can neglect more nuanced correlations. Rather than focusing on what seems achievable or timely, consider what feels like progress. When we have less rigid expectations, we create a sense of possibility (versus probability). By approaching our goals with a more growth-oriented mindset, we broaden the prospects of our desired outcomes.
Example: For the first time in her thirty-some years, Toni was feeling interested and ready to pursue a possible longterm relationship. She had been on and off the dating apps for years, but this time she decided to explore what she truly wanted—emotional connection, security, adventure, romance! She stretched outside her comfort zone and over the course of several months, signed up for an improv workshop, a karate class, and a speed-dating night at a local bar. She decided to use her experiences to learn new skills, meet interesting people (not just those she might want to date), and practice her self-confidence in unfamiliar settings.
Eliminate—We can learn a great deal through the process of elimination. Spend time exploring what you don’t want or what doesn’t work for you. In this trial and error approach to change, we give ourselves the freedom to experiment. Being aware of the things we avoid can deepen our understanding of what we truly want and why.
Example: If your goal is to exercise everyday, imagine as many different types of exercise as you can. Get creative! Include conventional and unconventional types of movement, from gardening to pole dancing to pickle ball. Tune in to your gut, and cross off anything that doesn’t excite you. Take a small initial step—pick up a schedule of classes or check out a YouTube video online. Experiment with something new every day at different times of the day (not a morning person?) to discover what works best for you and when.
Introduce a low pressure attitude.
Whether you are pursuing a health/fitness, relationship/dating, or creative/career goal, embrace inquiries like:
“I wonder what would happen if…?”
Spectrum—Instead of imposing absolute values to your goals (eg. time, specific results, etc), consider the benefits of longitudinal experiments. In a longview approach, we are able to gain the perspective of change over time instead of just a snapshot. When we approach our aspirations like we would a marathon, we can be more realistic in our preparation and interventions. We can employ a wider range of flexibility to our goal setting. Rather than tackling something that feels overwhelming, we might start by breaking our goals into small, manageable steps. Even subtle shifts, like making a one-degree turn, titrating small doses of a desired behavior, or gently moving the dial on the continuum of intensity, can offer a tremendous impact over time.
Example: Oliver was tired of feeling stressed out about money and wanted to reduce his debt. Every time he sat down to try to make a financial plan, he became overwhelmed by his situation. He decided to experiment by making a few small tweaks to his monthly expenses. He realized he was not currently watching anything on Paramount+ or Hulu and discontinued his subscriptions. He started making his coffee at home three days a week instead of stopping by Starbucks on his way to work. Oliver started chipping away at his credit card balance by paying an extra $70 a month toward his principal. Sometimes even the most subtle differences can be surprisingly significant.
Think big!— One of the world’s greatest experimenters of all time, Albert Einstein said, “I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” Embrace a beginner’s mind by getting more curious. Indulge the fantasy. Entertain the dream. Dismiss the impossible. Leaders in society, art and industry, from Martin Luther King Jr to J.K. Rowling to Richard Branson have been BIG dreamers.
Example: If you want to pursue a creative goal (eg. learning a musical instrument, writing a script, hiphop dance, etc), let yourself imagine the most pie-in-the-sky vision of success in this endeavor. What about this vision excites you? Let yourself play in this moment of make believe. Relish the idea of seeing your film on screen or dancing with Beyonce on stage. These are the sparks of passion that lead us toward taking inspired action.
By accepting the invitation to experiment, we give ourselves the freedom to explore. We realize fresh aspects of ourselves and our aspirations.
This approach may sound ambiguous and nebulous, but sustainable change takes shape over time. It emerges and evolves. An experimental attitude offers a low-pressure and curiosity-oriented way to implement change through a series of playful yet significant choices. When we approach our aspirations as we would any important QUEST, we make countless valuable discoveries in the process. Our intentions become more clear. We develop greater endurance, perseverance, and self-introspection as we move toward our desired direction. Will you accept the invitation?