trauma — EMPOWERED TIMES BLOG

How to Process Your Emotions

“I don’t know what processing my feelings means,” he said matter of factly. “People say that, and have no idea what they mean.”

We talk about processing our emotions like there is some kind of step-by-step protocol. Unfortunately, the most sustainable remedies for complicated feelings like anger, grief, and anxiety don’t come with easy-to-follow directions or guaranteed results. The processing of our emotional experiences requires significantly more exploration and trial & error. The good news is, our body is a natural processor. It is constantly processing toxins, chemicals, electrical energy, and nutrients. The way our body processes our feelings is similar to the way it processes the food we eat. When we eat too much or eat too fast, we end up with indigestion. When we become overwhelmed with emotion, or avoid or deny our feelings, we can experience emotion indigestion. Though our emotions don’t necessarily follow a narrow course like the digestive tract, our body has an innate capacity to turn a raw experience (like the death of a loved one) into something that nourishes us and facilitates healing. As we learn to integrate our emotions into who we are, we become less fragmented and more authentically whole.

Memory Part 2: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Memories make up the story of our lives.

We each possess a unique ability to consolidate, store, and integrate memories depending on how we process information. How and what we remember about our experiences becomes an evolving narrative. Our narrative consists of implicit and explicit memory and is influenced by the collective and cultural context in which we dwell. These narratives (with varying degrees of accuracy) contribute to our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. We can harness the malleability of our memory and the meaning we attribute to our experiences to support healing and internalize a more empowering story.

Explore six unique ways to tap into the transformative power of memory and the stories we tell ourselves.

Memory Part 1: Pieces of the Puzzle

Years ago I worked with nine-year old twins who were in the backseat of their aunt’s car when a drive-by shooter fired into the automobile killing their mother. The girls, who survived the assault, were impacted differently by the experience. As time went on, their memories of that significant day diverged even more. When we experience something intensely emotional (either positive or negative), we are more likely to remember it. Yet, how is it that two people who share the same experience might remember details completely differently? Everything we’ve ever experienced becomes a piece of the puzzle to create a representation of our life. The stories we tell ourselves are oftentimes the stories we inherently believe will sustain us and help us survive. This is a subjective process. In this two-part article, we explore the dynamic nature of memory and how it influences the stories we tell about ourselves and our world.

The Power of Your Summer Soundtrack

We often associate music with these sun-drenched days of pool hangs, road trips, or leisurely afternoons in the shade. Whether your vibe is Dua Lipa or The Doobie Brothers, this warm and vibrant season invites its own annual playlist. Not only does music have the potential to influence your mood, it can also invoke a sense of well-being and safety. Our vagus nerve is the longest cranial nerve in our body, which runs between our brain and our gut. It communicates with nearly every major organ and the striated muscles of our face and neck, to include the ear and the larynx. Evidence suggests we may improve our vagal tone, and thus the restorative functions of our nervous system, through the rhythm, tone, and vibration of music. Sound has tremendous power to heal and restore our body and mind. It can intensify our experiences, ignite our memories, transcend global and cultural divides, and deepen our connection with nature. Music can transport us to another time and place or anchor us into the present moment. What’s on your soundtrack this summer?

Beyond Our Potential ~ Thriving in Adversity

On the other side of the world, in the parched, desert landscapes of places like Nepal, Yemen, and Southwest India, the ashwagandha plant emerges from dry, rocky soil. Similar to these plants (known as adaptogens), we not only adapt through adverse environments and experiences, we adjust and access our inherent resources in remarkable ways.

On this side of the world, a very close family member was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As I witnessed her patience and courage through the process, I was astounded by how gracefully she navigated the pain, the setbacks, and the frightening reality of her condition. I asked her what she attributed to her strength and determination. She genuinely had no idea.

We may not always realize it, but when we face challenges, we become physically and psychologically more resilient. Take a moment to reflect on the challenges you’ve faced throughout your life and the opportunities they offer to learn about yourself.

Cultivating Security ~ Part 2: Do Relationships Fan the Flames of Our Insecurities, Or Do They Put Out the Fire?

Romantic, professional, platonic, familial… The relationships in our lives can significantly influence our physical, mental and emotional vitality. Meaningful relationships help us experience a sense of safety and trust, and have been shown to be a critical protective factor against common emotional or social ailments (eg. depression, addiction, etc). Yet we can also be hurt in relationships, which can ignite our insecurities and internal defenses. When we listen carefully and pay attention to our needs and feelings in the context of our relationships, we discover more about how to trust ourselves and others, and we access the incredible healing potential of relationships.

An Abundance Mindset: 4 Ways to Shift Out of Scarcity Thinking

Scarcity is synonymous with inadequacy, deficiency, lack or dearth. Many of us experience scarcity when we operate from a place of not-enoughness. Concepts that characterize this not-enoughness (e.g. scarcity mindset, inferiority complex, imposter syndrome, etc.) have become common vernacular. Scarcity mindset implies a tightening, grasping, fearful and defensive stance. Just as we can get caught in a cycle of threat, shutting down, immobilization and fear, we can also embark on a self-perpetuating journey of choice, openness, flow and enoughness. Approaching our circumstances, decisions, and relationships from a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity, allows us to relax, open-up, and trust that whatever is, is enough.

~~ Expanding Inside Out: Part 1 ~~ When We're Closed

As different as our modern life may be in comparison to the primitive threats to survival our ancient ancestors faced, we still encounter a plethora of real and perceived attacks—natural disasters, social and economic injustices, political rivalries, bullying in schools and social media, viruses run amok, and perhaps above all, vastly conflicting views on how to address those threats. When we feel threatened, we contract—physically, emotionally, and mentally. In this defensive position, we tend to operate from a place of fear, judgment toward others (or ourselves), and a need to protect or preserve what we have. What causes us to feel closed, cautious, and uncertain?

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