Embracing Uncertainty: The Power in Humility
My flight touched down after 11pm on a quiet runway in Ecuador. No jet bridge. No airport shuttle. Just a squeaky staircase rolled up to the 737. The tarmac glistened in the dark, as I followed the other passengers toward an empty terminal.
It was the summer after my first year of graduate school, and I quickly realized that if I intended to get a job in the public sector in Los Angeles, I needed to speak Spanish. So, I enrolled in an eight-week immersion program in South America, complete with a host family. I had taken a few classes in college—how hard could it be? Besides, it seemed like a more interesting alternative to waiting tables all summer!
My cavalier attitude faded quickly as I dragged my heavy suitcase down a walkway lined with police officers, their automatic rifles slung across their chests. Post-9/11 security was at its peak. Passport control barked questions I could hardly decipher, and I was directed to a pickup area beyond security.
A crowd pressed against the other side of a chainlink fence. Their faces illuminated by flickering florescent lights. Hands and roses reached through the metal links. Voices shouted, sirens wailed in the distance, and the harsh stadium bulbs buzzed relentlessly overhead.
I stood frozen, a deer in headlights. I didn’t know where I was or who I was supposed to meet. This was before most people had cellphones… including me. I had no idea what to expect and no way of contacting anyone if something went wrong. My stomach twisted with uncertainty. Should I be here? Did I make the wrong decision? Will I be stranded?
Uncertainty is Universal
We live in uncertain times. Perhaps we always have.
Flash forward more than twenty years later… every day in my work as a therapist, I hear questions like:
Will I ever find the right partner for me?
Will I get the promotion they keep promising?
When will I be able to save enough money to retire?
Will AI make my job/career obsolete?
Will production resume in Hollywood?
Do I want to have children?
Am I making the right choice?
Each of us have different levels of tolerance toward the unknown. Some people seek out novelty; others cling to routine. But deep down, we all crave certainty.
Our brains are designed to predict, preserve, and protect. We want to know what to expect, how to keep things within our control, and how to keep ourselves safe.
When we operate solely from this primitive part of our brain, we can trick ourselves into believing we know everything, that we’re always right, and that safety is guaranteed. This survival mindset shrinks our world and neglects to consider what happens when we are thrust outside our comfort zone.
In the confines of our little bubbles, we’re more likely to adopt a narrow and often judgmental perspective. We start to believe we are right, and anyone who disagrees is wrong. This kind of arrogance is fragile and disconnected from reality. It tends to be superficial and stems from insecurity. In turn, this leads to overcompensating for what’s lacking. As a result, we might experience (or observe) hyper-controlling behavior, a heightened sense of superiority, or an obnoxious omniscience (know-it-all-ness).
The Beauty of a Beginner’s Mind
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities. In the expert’s there are few.”
~ Suzuki Roshi
Think about the kinds of questions you might hear from a child around four or five years old. Children are hungry for knowledge and want to understand… Everything!
How does it work?
Why do you do it that way?
What happens when you don’t?
Can I try?
This childlike curiosity is often referred to as a “beginner’s mind”… Humility.
Humility allows us to become open, receptive learners. It gives us the confidence to admit what we don’t know and the courage ask questions. It’s also the capacity to tolerate the unknown without being paralyzed by the fear of what we can’t control.
Being humble does not mean being submissive, docile, or soft.
According to the Tao te Ching:
“All streams flow to the sea because it is lower than they are. Humility gives it power.”
Hubris vs Humility
Does the sea need to prove how fierce and formidable it is?
I was a young grad student at a reputable university in the big city and feeling pretty darn good about myself… Until I found myself under those harsh, florescent lights at midnight in a foreign country alone. As I scanned the faces around me, I realized I knew nothing of that world. I could retreat back to what was familiar, to stay in my little corner of the globe and speak the language I already knew. Or I could accept that didn’t know anything… and that was the point. I was there to learn.
The juxtaposition between hubris and humility is profound.
Hubris keeps us small, scared, and fragile. It makes us defensive and unwilling to try new things we may not master right away.
Humility, on the other hand, offers us freedom to explore and experience the world in new ways. It invites us to broaden our perspective, to give ourselves permission to play, to have the courage to fall or fail, to embrace a sense of humor and levity, and to accept we don’t know everything and won’t always be right.
The great paradox is that unlike hubris or arrogance, humility arises from true inner security and an authentic self-confidence.
“Humility gives it power.” It’s a natural expression of strength.
Imagine how liberating it would be to have nothing to prove, nothing to defend, nothing to justify.
What would it feel like to truly know and accept yourself, including your flaws and limitations?
What if we felt so secure in who we are that we could set aside our self-interest and break down the barriers that divide us?
Beyond power, humility offers the promise of peace.
The beginner’s mind opens us to fresh possibilities, relieves us from judgement, and connects us to a sense of wonder and gratitude. It honors the process of learning, growing, and transforming—not just today, but throughout our lifespan.
Even though every instinct compelled me to turn around and catch the first flight home, I stayed. That dark night in Ecuador became one of the defining moments of my life. Not because I learned Spanish that summer, or ate fresh ceviche on the beach in Atacames, or developed a group of international friends (a few of which I still have to this day). It changed my life because it taught me how to embrace uncertainty and step outside my comfort zone. Most importantly, it taught me the value of humility, and opened me up to the world around me.
7 Ways to Discover Strength in Humility:
Invoke a beginner’s mind—Ask questions like a five year old.
Play more—Don’t take yourself so seriously.
Be receptive—Open up to all you don’t know.
Celebrate failures & mistakes—They are the true merit of our efforts.
Suspend judgement—Replace criticism with curiosity.
Ground yourself in gratitude—Search for the good.
Surrender to the unknown—Life is a great mystery!
“The true way to be humble is not to stoop until you are smaller than yourself, but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that will show you what the real smallness of your greatness is.”
~Phillips Brooks