Coffee & Ecstasy
Standing in line at the local coffee house is part of my morning ritual. Today, the man ahead of me in line ordered two lattes and a blueberry muffin, and when the barista (a 20-something surfer-looking dude) asked for a name, the gentlemen said, “the name’s J.” At which point my mind took a detour… When it’s my turn to order my coffee, perhaps I should just tell the surfer/college kid my name is simply “E.” That would alleviate the irritation of getting my coffee cup with the name “Aaron” written on it. But my winding thought process didn’t stop there. This is a college kid, who probably associates the term “E” with ecstasy (the drug), I thought to myself. Feeling particularly feisty and wistful about the life I did not pursue… that being the turbulent, competitive, and uncertain life of theatre, I thought perhaps I should tap into my inner actress. As J was waiting for his blueberry muffin, I was imagining myself a version of Samantha Jones from Sex in the City. What if, when it’s my turn, I tell the barista guy in a sultry morning voice, “I’ll have a double cappuccino, and my name is E. E… as in ecstasy.” With a wink and subtle smile, I’ll hand him a $20 bill, tell him to keep the change, and strut away to wait for my coffee.
In reality, when I get up to the counter, I order my cappuccino with my usual name, grab my coffee cup with “Aaron” scribbled on it, and retreat to my car. I feel a mix of emotion… somewhat defeated that I wasn’t bold enough to pull off my harmless act, slightly embarrassed by my amusing fantasy, but mostly I felt impressed by my desire to still engage in imaginary play, regardless of whether or not I actually acted on it.
I used to love to act, and studied Theatre in undergrad, but I forfeited my passion for the stage in exchange for a more pragmatic and stable occupation. At times I think about how different my life would be had a chosen a different path, and still feel the persuasive pull to dabble in performing arts in one way or another, even if it means a game of charades with a group of friends. The choices we make throughout our lives over time defines in many ways who we are. So why do we sometimes feel we must limit ourselves to just one path? Is it possible to have practical stability in some aspects of life, but also entertain our interests in the more risk-taking and uncertain endeavors. Can we have it both ways? Can we have both the coffee and the ecstasy? We may need coffee each morning to nudge us into action and begin our day, but we may also need the idea of something more exciting (e.g. “E, as in ecstasy") to ignite our interests and find a fun way to engage as we move through the routine of our daily lives.
Regardless of the path we’ve chosen, we can challenge ourselves to find ways of greater and more diverse fulfillment. If our path’s terrain feels uncertain and risky, we can explore ways to introduce a sense of predictability, like developing a daily schedule or organizing our work/living space. If we’re on the path with more consistent and stable terrain, we can integrate a sense of novelty and adventure by experimenting with a different hobbies, social groups, or media outlets. Either way, embrace your coffee ritual with a sense of ecstasy, and bring a sense of ecstasy to your daily coffee.