Emotion: Life's Texture
“I wish I didn’t feel this way!” “I’m in such a bad mood!” “I hate this feeling!” “When is this going to pass?” These are general sentiments we may express when we are going through something painful or difficult. One day we may feel hopeless about our career or our relationship status, and the next day we may be filled with determination and ideas to propel us through any challenge. This is the gift and the plight of our human experience.
As human beings, we endure a plethora of moods, feelings, memories, associations, sensations and perceptions, all of which operate on a very diverse spectrum from high to low, severe to mild, great to slight. Often, these may be influenced by our environment or our past experiences and relationships (which is why it is useful to be able to identify and understand how these previous dynamics affect us). However, we are urged by self-help gurus, psychologists and other professionals (e.g. Daniel Goleman, Eckhart Toole, Stephen Covey, etc.) to realize that our feelings do NOT define us. In other words, we cannot be reduced to the fleeting, changing and sometimes irrational emotions we experience from one day to the next.
Of course, this seems much easier said than done. After all, our emotional experiences not only feel very real, but also have physiological implications on our brain and nervous system which affects every aspect of our body. Yet, when we become preoccupied with what we are feeling or urgently seek to change the way we feel, we may inadvertently intensify our experience and create a perpetuating cycle. What if we shifted our perspective to take a step back from our emotional experiences, especially when they overwhelm us or alter our trajectory in negative and self-defeating ways? How can we neutralize, or objectively experience, our fluctuating feelings and allow them to pass through and process organically and completely?
As one who is experienced both personally, as well as having witnessed and supported many clients as they move through their own emotional adventures, I believe we would be better able to regulate and understand our moods, memories and perceptions if we could develop a more productive relationship with them. What if moods were neither “bad” nor “good?” What if depression, excitement, anxiety, serenity, anger, acceptance, resignation and hopefulness were all equally valuable emotional expressions?
In our modern society we are quick to scrutinize, label and diagnose what we are experiencing. But is it possible to not judge our feelings or ourselves based on how we experience the world or our situation in any given moment? What would happen if, rather than viewing our emotional experiences as an indication of who we are, we considered our emotional experiences as simply contributing an essential texture to our life? Texture offers versatility (or consistency) to our sensory experiences through art, design, food, sound, etc. In the same way sensory texture provides depth, dimension, novelty and interest, emotional texture may offer deeper meaning, greater capacity, unique opportunities and create a sense of intrigue and mystery.
Challenge yourself to notice your feelings as experiences that make life a richer and more interesting place. List as many textural qualities as you can imagine (e.g. smooth, rough, sharp, soft, bitter, sweet, loud, quiet, unpredictable, patterned, etc.), and identify which of these qualities you would associate with fear, sadness, confusion, love, jealousy, determination, fulfillment, joy, etc. What does depression look like? How does anger taste? What does anxiety sound like? If you could touch happiness, how would it feel?
The next time you find yourself trapped in a feeling, use nonjudgmental curiosity as a way to understand and move through it. Rather than simply making assumptions and labeling the feeling, consider spending a few moments to explore the texture, and thus the value, of your emotional experience.