Creating a Haven in the Storm
Do you ever feel like life is an endless series of transition and recalibration?
To be honest, I’m still reeling from the holidays —hosting and entertaining, navigating dynamics, indulging in the festivities, balancing work, and encountering the unexpected health hurdles of a loved one.
Sometimes it feels like we barely make it through one holiday or event when we find ourselves in the midst of another demanding situation or challenging season. We struggle to catch our breath just in time for another wave to hit.
At the risk of sounding cavalier… this is life!
It’s a dynamic, continuous current of energy and interactions. We cannot stop it, and it’s futile to try. Our power lies in how we meet it.
Body & Mind
Our bodies are inherently designed to recalibrate.
Homeostasis is our inner autopilot. It’s how our body restores balance in response to external stress. When we run a sprint or narrowly escape a collision on the freeway, homeostasis returns our heart rate to a steady and even rhythm. Homeostasis automatically regulates our blood sugar, hormones, and inflammation. We don’t even have to think about it!
Psychological homeostasis, or restoring mental or emotional harmony, is a more conscious process.
Buddhist psychology refers to this as equanimity— regaining evenness or equilibrium amid challenge. Without equanimity we lose our balance. We may ruminate, take things personally, shut down, or over react.
Perspective & Possibilities
Equanimity stabilizes us so we can see the bigger picture and respond with flexibility.
The Pali (ancient Indian) word for equanimity is “upekkha,” stemming from upa (over/around) and ikh (to look/see). It invites us to look around and see the bigger picture. Inclusiveness is a key aspect of equanimity, according to Buddhist monk and peace activist, Thich Nhat Hanh. Broadening our perspective helps us to realize that everything belongs— struggle and ease, conflict and compassion, chaos and peace. Life is full of paradoxical experiences that intermingle and coexist.
Equanimity is a valuable quality we can practice and develop. It’s a calm steadiness that keeps us centered in the storm.
When we encounter rough waters (as we inevitably will), it doesn’t mean life isn’t fair. It doesn’t mean you have bad karma or anyone is out to get you. Speeding tickets, scary diagnoses, interpersonal struggles, rejection, financial curveballs… these are all part of life for the vast majority of us. No matter who we are or where we live, we will experience loss and heartbreak and the range of human emotion from terror to glee. As the saying goes, “No one gets out of this life alive.”
Our instinct is to cling to what we enjoy and avoid what feels uncomfortable. But that pendulum swing between attachment and aversion limits our tolerance for uncertainty and impedes our capacity to adapt and grow.
Equanimity helps us remain receptive and flexible.
Nothing in life is guaranteed. We are not entitled to ease, nor immune from difficulty. Recognizing this is not resignation; it’s liberation. We open up to a fuller range of possibilities and perspectives. When we begin to accept that everything changes, we become less threatened by change itself.
Rain doesn’t mean the sky is falling.
It’s part of a weather system. If we zoom out, we realize the greater context. When we think of emotions (anger, joy, grief, fear) as weather passing through, we can witness and honor each one without judgment.
Witness the Waves
Equanimity helps us learn how to surf.
The waves of life are part of a much vaster ocean. There are swells and undertows, rises and falls, and so much that dwells beneath the surface.
Equanimity allows us to make space for smooth or stormy seas without rejecting one or favoring another. It helps to steady us. Not in a white-knuckling way, but rather with a soft flexibility that helps us trust our buoyancy and ride the waves.
As our body returns to homeostasis through biological intelligence, our hearts and minds recalibrate through equanimity— awareness, acceptance, and perspective. Amid hectic schedules, illness, conflict, crisis, or uncertainty, equanimity is our ability to return to our center.
Equanimity helps us to weather storms until they pass, stabilizing and bringing us back to balance and baseline. It provides a foundation, a firm and fertile ground from which to grow. It becomes a porthole into another kind of journey.
Discovering Resilience
Equanimity anchors us. Resilience transforms us.
Beyond survival, resilience is what happens when we not only endure the storm but are changed by it.
Discoveries are revealed— courage in darkness, beauty in pain, strength in vulnerability, connection in suffering.
Through this inner alchemy, we don’t simply “bounce back.” We evolve. We redefine ourselves.
More deeply rooted, we grow more spacious, kind, and wise. Not because life stops tossing its waves, but because we’ve learned how to ride them with grace.
Equanimity Mantras
I move gently through my day.
In change, nature reveals her beauty.
This too belongs.
I lean in to the mystery of life.
Peace exists within me.