The Cave of Self-Discovery
5 Things to Know Before Your Expedition
We are all riding the waves of this ever-fluctuating pandemic experience and the emotional tides that come with it. Some moments, we might feel like everything is okay. We tell ourselves this is the world’s way of resetting itself, or this is our opportunity for a much needed respite from our hectic schedules. Then, the next moment (often in the middle of the night) we are thrown into catastrophic thinking, worrying about the health and safety of ourselves or loved ones, or wondering how long this is going to last and what it’s going to look like on the other side.
Life has been shaken up all around us, and we have been navigating a flurry of unexpected challenges. We are still adjusting to different schedules, various demands, shifting priorities, and a change of pace, but now, approximately three weeks into the “Shelter in Place” mandate, we may finally be settling into some semblance of routine in our “new normal” lives. The abrupt changes may have begun to subside allowing us to establish a new rhythm. The chaotic energy of this global crisis may become more quiet and still, at least while we wait for whatever comes next.
Often times, it is in moments of quiet and stillness that we begin to see things more clearly. Without the tug of our typical distractions (i.e. social commitments, travel plans, errands, carpools/commutes, etc.), when we don’t have a million different things clamoring for our attention, this is when our focus begins to shift inward. In the absence of all the external noise that often dictates to us who and how we should be, we have the chance to look inside ourselves.
This is a unique and valuable opportunity, but one in which we might encounter some resistance. It’s much easier to maintain the status quo without questioning or reflecting. Self-exploration risks bumping into some uncomfortable answers. We might see something we don’t want to see, come face-to-face with a new truth, or be challenged to change some long-held belief or behavior.
On the upside, the benefits of self-discovery are gratifying and long-lasting because it allows us to be more in alignment with who we truly are. It allows us to live authentically and with integrity. We can take some of this unusual time we have right now to curiously and bravely ask questions about ourselves, to explore various aspects of our patterns or our relationships, and/or to allow ourselves the opportunity to play and tap into neglected passions and aspirations.
Tools and Tips for Entering the Cave:
Get inquisitive—Think about the kinds of questions you might hear from a child: how does that work? what happens when it doesn’t? why does it work? when did it begin? Ask the type of questions that come from a place of inquiry and curiosity. This helps us to steer clear of judgement and biases which are based on either our previous experiences or our perception of what others think or expect.
Be courageous—It can sometimes be difficult to look in the mirror (metaphorically-speaking) and honestly acknowledge what we see reflected back at us. Have we become something that no longer represents who we think we are? Be bold, look within, and identify if there are any inconsistencies between who you are and who you want to be. This is not necessarily about tangible qualities like professional goals or personal appearance. It’s about living with integrity. Are we doing what we say, saying what we mean, and meaning what we do?
Fire the critic—There is no room in this process for harsh judgement or mean-spirited commentary. Being self-critical is counterproductive. If we have a running dialogue with an inner critic who is constantly chiming in about good/bad or right/wrong, we silence our true inner voice. Try to keep your observations neutral and objective. See what you notice simply as valuable information which will ultimately enhance our relationship to ourselves.
“Yes AND" approach—At times this process can lead us to discoveries that we don’t know what to do with. Such revelations may cause us to feel sad, regretful, guilty, naive, resentful, anxious, etc. When this happens, we can respond with “yes and…” Yes, that makes me feel (blank), AND (blank) are my options moving forward. For example: Yes, I feel regretful that I wasted years of my life instead of going back to school, AND I have the power to either accept that it was the best decision for me at the time, or I can begin taking little steps today to change my future trajectory.
Play—Think about the things that you’ve been wanting to try. Remember sports or hobbies that once brought you joy. Experiment with new exercises or creative outlets. Dig out that old instrument in the back of your closet, dust off those watercolor paints, start a new screenplay (even if you haven’t finished the last one), pump up that deflated basketball. Have fun! If it’s not fun, move on to something that is.