Grow Your Trust
Trust can be steadfast, certain, and deeply rooted. Trust can be fragile, vulnerable, and easily dissolved. If we have been hurt, misled or disappointed, our sense of trust in others may be compromised. But haven’t we all felt hurt, misled or disappointed at some point? It seems only natural then, that we would respond in a way that increases our perception of protection for the future. If we fall through the ice one time, we would hardly make the mistake of walking across a frozen pond again. If someone gives us a right-hook to the jaw, we would be wise to learn how to duck the next time around. When our sense of trust and safety has been compromised, our survival instincts and defenses intensify. Is it possible to endure life’s painful experiences with resiliency, without becoming jaded, suspicious, or hopeless?
Initially we learn what we know about trust from our parents or early caregivers. If our basic physical and emotional needs are met, if we feel safe, if we are taught that someone will always be there unconditionally, then we are more likely to develop a solid sense of security. We understand what it means to trust. Ironically, we feel more comfortable to explore the world around us. We understand when and how we can depend on others, and over time, we use that early example to cultivate our ability to trust ourselves, gaining self-confidence. We learn how to become self-reliant and discover when we are able meet our own needs and we feel safe in turning to others at times for strength and support.
But what happens if our parents, were untrustworthy, unpredictable or unavailable during our earliest years? How does this impact our ability to trust others or trust ourselves? If our early needs were not met or met inconsistently, we may have difficulty knowing what it means to trust. We may have adapted by expecting less from others. We may have overcompensated by turning to many different people indiscriminately to meet our needs. We may have heightened our self-protective defense strategies. It’s incredible to think of all the different and effective ways we as humans are wired to survive, physically, mentally and emotionally.
The downfall of all these amazing strategies geared toward our livelihood is that if we don’t understand where they come from, how they function for us and how they limit us, there is potential for them to harm us by collapsing our sense of self-confidence or compromising our interpersonal relationships.
The good news is that trust is a quality we can foster, cultivate and strengthen over time. We may not be able to undo the devastating ways our trust might have been damaged in the past, but we are able to grow a new kind of trust. And we must.
As adults, in order to give ourselves the opportunity to engage in healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise, we must first discover new ways to reinstate our trust in ourselves. Only then will we be better able to take the risk involved in trusting others and the world around us.
Strengthening Self-Trust:
- Reflect on ways you have: Taken care of yourself -- Advocated for yourself -- Protected yourself
- Tune into, honor, and respect your intuition
- Imagine the core of who you are as a gentle, yet strong and unwavering source of internal power: Where does the core reside in your body? How much space does it inhabit? What color is it?
- Affirm for yourself that regardless of what arises, you will know how to attend to your needs and effectively manage any situation