Swinging on the Pendulum

A little dark chocolate and red wine is good for you. But why is it so difficult to stop with a little? It is said, “Everything in moderation.” But moderation feels so subjective, and we don’t live in a society that promotes moderation. We live in the land of the upgrade, the upsize, and the update.

We work long hours every week so we can kick up our heels and party hard on the weekend. We strive to make increasingly more money, so that we can afford all the luxuries to which we have accustomed ourselves. We exercise diligently to stay healthy and fit, so we can imbibe and indulge as a way to reward our efforts. We seem to be caught up in a perpetuating cycle of damage control.

Why is it so difficult to find balance in our lives? It seems like we walk a tightrope at times, careful not to fall into the abyss of extremity on either side. This is where we can get caught in overcompensating and self-sabotaging patterns of behavior. It’s what causes us to fall into rationalizations like:

“I ate too much dessert, so I will spend extra time and work extra hard at the gym.”

“I’m not accomplishing enough of my goals this week, so I’ll just wait, and start fresh next week… now for that “Game of Thrones” marathon.”

“I’m hungover from last night. I’m never drinking again!”

“I’ve already messed up on my diet today, so I may as well go all the way… Another piece of cheesecake, please!”

The pendulum swings from one extreme to the other, and with it go our moods, our behaviors, our health, our self-perception, and our overall well-being. When we overcompensate by reacting radically in opposition to what we perceive as a mistake or misbehavior, we end up putting ourselves in a dangerous situation. Think about when we are driving in our cars, and overcorrect on a turn. We swerve out of control. Perhaps just momentarily, but even in that moment, we risk an accident or injury. We sabotage ourselves in an effort to correct our mistakes.

Similar can be said when we self-sabotage by deciding to punish or deprive ourselves when we feel we deserve it, either consciously or unconsciously. (This is not to be confused with self-discipline, in which we exercise control of our choices and actions.) Rather, when we are grappling with guilt, remorse, or disappointment in ourselves, and believe we should be punished, we risk doing more harm than the original offense. We may cause damage by psychologically beating ourselves down and telling ourselves when we screw up, we don’t deserve happiness, success, love, etc. And we are back on the pendulum of overcompensation. If we can just be good enough, smart enough, thin enough, rich enough, perhaps then we will be worthy. So we default to an “all or nothing” mentality, whereas we can’t be both… both imperfect and happy… both fallible and worthy.

Actually, to find balance, we must embrace both… Both our imperfections and our assets… Both our weaknesses and our strengths… Both our failures and our successes. Balance means discovering our own unique proportions in order to maintain a sense of stability, equilibrium, and resilience in our ever-changing lives.

Explore balance in your life

• Try to balance on one foot. Then the other. Try again, only this time rise up onto your tiptoes. What helps you to find physical balance?
  • focusing your gaze?
  • engaging the core?
  • calming your breath?
  • preparing yourself mentally?
• Close your eyes. Imagine something you are proud of, a success, an accomplishment in your life. Now, imagine something you may regret, a failure, a mistake in your life. What helps you find psychological balance?
• How do you recover and restore your balance when you fall out of balance?
• Can you recognize when you are over-compensating (over-correcting) or self-sabotaging?
• What does balance mean to you?
• How do you feel when you are balanced?